Beef Stroganoff

Vegetarians can easily substitute cooked lentils for beef, and vegans are gonna have to make their own substitutions. Sorry, folks! Beef stroganoff is something my mom has made since forever. It’s a Russian recipe, and therefore the whitest of white people food. There are very few ingredients: 1 pound ground beef, half a large onion, diced, 15 to 20 mushrooms, chopped coarsely, 1 can cream of mushroom soup (a traditional Russian ingredient), and 8 ounces of sour cream (I used light, but you can use whatever kind you like. Use full fat! Be a rebel!). My mom always makes it over egg noodles, but Hubby and I like it over white rice. If you want to use rice you need 1 cup (precooked), if you want noodles, you’ll have to figure it out yourself (Dammit, Jim! I’m a blogger, not a food scientist!)

Step 1: Get your beef started browning in a pan, get rice or noodles started cooking.
Step 2: Start chopping onions. Hubby likes his diced small, and I like them in large chunks, so we compromised. I cut them into enormous pieces because I’m the boss of the world.
Step 3: Drain the beef when it’s done browning (or don’t, I’m not a cop).
Step 4: Add onions to beef, keep sauteing.
Step 5: Start laboriously washing mushrooms (it’s totally worth it though).
Step 6: Chop the mushrooms. I like big chunks (probably because they take less time to chop), but cut them however small you desire.
Step 7: Add mushrooms to pan, cook them also.
Step 8: Once your veggies are as cooked as you want, turn off the heat and stir in your cream of mushroom soup and sour cream.
Step 9: Drain your noodles, or fluff your rice.
Step 10: Put carb of choice in bowl, add stroganoff, and eat!


I didn’t take pictures of all the interim steps, because if you’re sitting there thinking “But what do chopped up mushrooms look like?!?!” This is not the blog for you. This is a blog for…I’m not sure exactly…but probably shut-ins with lots of time on their hands. I know it looks like a gray mass, but that’s generally what white people foods look like. Also, I’m not a food stylist. I always take the pictures when I’m starving, right before I eat the food, which is probably a bad choice, but meh. You can take pretty pictures when you make it. The recipe takes about 20 minutes to make from start to finish, and makes servings for probably 6 normal people, or just 3 for me and Hubby. You could add some garlic, salt, or green onions, but anything else would probably be BLASPHEMY!!!

October 27, 2013. Tags: , , , , . Cooking. 1 comment.

Basic Fried Rice

I’m sure you have all figured out by now that my “recipes” are just, in fact, conglomerations of whatever random crap I have in the house at the time. For this one, I used chicken, but it is very simple to make this vegetarian or vegan; the variations are at the bottom.  

Today we’re using one chicken breast, about a half cup of frozen peas, a cup of frozen broccoli, one cup uncooked rice, two scrambled eggs, 1/4 cup chopped onion, and a bunch of teriyaki or soy sauce, whichever you like.

Start by cutting up the chicken really tiny, and sauteeing it in a large sauce pan. Get your rice cooking at the same time, according to the package instructions.

Chop what needs choppin’.

Throw the veggies in to cook with the chicken. You can add some teriyaki or soy sauce, and garlic salt at this point. You can use different vegetables, if you like, such as bell peppers (ew), water chestnuts (EW), or even just a bag of mixed frozen veggies. Once the veggies are almost done, throw in your raw scrambled eggs, and stir them around to cook. I throw teriyaki sauce on top of them while they’re cooking so they get some flavor.

Hey, the rice is done! It’s so fluffy and delicious! You can also use leftover rice for the recipe. If it’s a bit chewy, just throw it into the veggies, once they’re cooked, and add about a tablespoon of vegetable oil. Let it cook and stir it around to make sure all the rice gets coated in oil and heated up.

Once the rice and veggies are both ready, you can combine them in the pan, and stir everything together. Add your sauce and spices to taste.

To make this recipe vegetarian, leave out the chicken. You substitute tofu if you want, or add extra scrambled eggs. To make it vegan, leave out the chicken and eggs. I consulted my teriyaki sauce bottle, and it appears to be vegan. Everyone can enjoy my cooking; I’m just that amazing.

September 7, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Cooking. 2 comments.

That Clever Hangover Cure

First off, I have to tell you all that something very serious has happened. I’m almost out of coffee. There’s enough for right now, but after that I have to go to the store!! I’ll try to be strong and plow ahead, because that’s how much I love you little minions. Enough to inflict my barely-awake, nonsensical ramblings on you. You’re welcome.

Friday night, I had a fantastic night. Me and Samantha went dancing at our favorite place, Barbarella, and it was everything girls’ night should be: dancing, drinking, gabbing, and pretending to be a lesbian couple so the people hitting on us would go away.

Saturday morning (and by “morning” I mean 2 pm) I paid the price. Not only were my legs sore from jumping around, I was dehydrated and *un-caffeinated*. I know, I don’t know how I survived either. I usually function based on a large number of caffeine injections throughout the day, starting at 9am, so I was well below my daily quota by the time I woke up. I am honestly surprised I even regained consciousness.

After scrabbling around in the kitchen blindly, coffee was created, and I gradually fought off my zombie-like state. I then realized food was the other cure for what ailed me, but again, I need to go to the store. I decided finding pants (other than my Mr. Bubble pajama pants) was a ridiculously monumental task, akin to getting the ring back to Mount Doom, so simple food would have to do. This is a recipe I’ve made before, and I really like it. You will need 2 eggs, 1 cup (uncooked) rice, 1/4 cup onion (or more depending on your preference), and this stuff:

The teriyaki sauce totally makes this dish. It’s similar to soy sauce, but with a more complex, savory flavor. I use instant rice, so I start it in the microwave first thing. Then dice up the onion; I like rather large chunks. Start the onion sauteeing in a frying pan in some olive oil or butter. Once they start to get a teeny bit cooked, throw in some of the teriyaki sauce, and stir.

Let the onions cook to your preference. I like mine a little golden, but still crispy. When the onions make you happy, crack the two eggs into the pan, and stir them around. As the eggs are cooking, throw in another tablespoon or two of teriyaki. Let’s all keep in mind that when I took the pictures I had not had any caffeine for about 15 hours, so the pictures are a bit blurry. You should all just be amazed at the fact I had the presence of mind to take pictures at all in my handicapped state.

Put half the rice in a bowl, and throw a dash of teriyaki on it, then put half the egg mixture on top. This recipe makes enough for two servings, so you can either share, or eat half, pass out, and reheat the rest when you regain your mental faculties.

I know it sounds weird, but this is really good, simple food, and I’ve made it many times when I was not hungover in the slightest. It is easy enough to make when brain no workee, which makes it great hangover food.

August 15, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Cooking. 2 comments.