Dear Dishwasher

Dear Dishwasher,

What the hell are you doing?

You’re making lots of noise and steam, but you sure aren’t washing any dishes. I don’t ask much. I generally rinse dishes before they go in, and I don’t make lasagna or other “baked on messes” like they show in the commercials, but you seem to have trouble even removing soup residue from bowls.

I don’t know why. I mean, I give you that magic blue stuff that you guys are supposed to love so much, I get the liquid detergent you’ve enjoyed in the past, I clean the garbage disposal for you, and I even let you run empty sometimes, just to get you in the mood.

Why is this suddenly not enough for you? I know we’ve had our problems in the past, but I thought that was all behind us. Have I done something? I’ve preheated your water, run you with vinegar, and done everything else I and everyone on the internet can think of to make you happy.

Let’s face it, you’re basically creating more work for yourself. Each dish that comes out dirty is just going right back in, so why don’t you just save us all some trouble and do your job. It’s in your name, for the love of Dawn: you’re a dishwasher not a dish moistener.

That Clever Chick


December 5, 2011. Tags: , , , . House Stuff, Random typing.


  1. Your Intrepid Traveler replied:

    Dear Clever Chick
    I have in my possession, a similar dish moistening device that I purchased for the expressed purpose of dish w a s h i n g . Maybe, If we combine the two devices together, they will make one useable appliance. If not, I suggest we dismember one of these appliances in front of the other one, and make threatening remarks to the one not being dismembered. Maybe that will put the fear of Man in this recalcitrant device and make it start to work. If not, it will feel good to take out frustration on this smart ass piece of crap. The flaw to this plan is that we will need to use a sister device, an automobile, to transport one appliance to the other. And I suspect that they can somehow communicate with each other.

    • thatcleverchick replied:

      We’re probably both completely screwed from now on, since you typed this insidious plan on the computer. I like the idea, though. I have an old microwave I could disassemble. Do you think that would be threatening enough?

  2. Disgruntled Dishwaher replied:

    Dear Clever Chick,

    Obviously I am peeved that you have not bought me the appropriate present from .

    Unfortunately, you will have to figure out by yourself which item I require before I will stop my work slowdown.

    Yours truly,

    • thatcleverchick replied:

      Dear Dishwasher,

      I don’t know how your previous owners treated you, but you are not getting spoiled in my house. I have found a tutorial online to remove extra scum from you, so once I try that you better get your act together. I don’t need to encouraging the other appliances to revolt, and I will kick you out if the stove starts acting up! Don’t think I won’t!

      Clever Chick

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