Deep Clean Part 2: The Hallway of Doom

Calling “Deep Clean Week” on Monday was definitely over-ambitious on my part. Yesterday I went home and decided to tackle the second most horrible area in the house: the hallway. Hallways are generally benign, but we have a naughty kitty who has decided that if he wants to get into a room, but the door is shut, he will punish us by peeing in front of it. To protect his identity, we’ll call him Onion.

Now before anyone starts, let me just tell you that Mushroom  Onion is a fixed male, and was fixed well before any mature traits showed up, so he’s not spraying or marking or anything like that. He is mostly a fat, lazy, passive-aggressive bastard, and I have no idea how to make him stop this behavior.

When I notice a “spill” has occurred, I clean it up off the concrete. The issue arises when it gets on the very edge of the carpet of the offending room. I have my Little Green Machine from Bissel, and I decided to get down and scrub the carpet as part of the hallway.

Phase 1) Sweep hallway and front entryway
Phase 2) Vacuum hallway and front entryway
Phase 3) I skipped the Swiffer Wet, which I probably shouldn’t have, as you’ll see in the next phase.
Phase 4) Got directly onto hands and knees with sponge and bucket, and I even did it the proper way, with a bucket of clean water, and a bucket of rinse water.

You should dip the sponge or mop into the clean water first, scrub for awhile, then rinse it in the rinse water, and repeat. If your floors are anything like mine, you will be able to tell these apart fairly quickly, and will probably need several buckets of rinse water. Also if you’re anything like me (and I pray every night that you are, otherwise I’m a neurotic moron), they will end up a similar shade of disgusting “Oh God that was on my floors?”

Phase 4 was supposed to be the “Scrubbing” phase, but turned into a “Wiping up the loose pet hair the broom missed” phase, which is why I should have used the swiffer.

Phase 5) The “Ok, now we can really scrub because the pet hair is out of the way, but it turns out the floors aren’t actually that dirty, they are chipped and scratched from you dragging furniture across them ‘just one time’, and you apparently painted lots of hair into the floor while refinishing it” phase. It’s not fun to be eye to eye with what you think is a dirty floor, and realize it’s simply an abused floor. So, it looks like I need to buy some paint to do some patch work.

Phase 6) Clean Carpet (aka Phase of No Return) – Before I even swept the rest of the floors, I dumped a bunch of vinegar mixed with water (about 50/50 mix) onto the cat-affected areas. Now I got my Green Machine and started sucking that up. I also used the Bissel pet odor removal stuff after the vinegar was all soaked up. The stuff that came out of the carpet….there are things that once seen, you cannot un-see. That water is one of those things. At one point I thought, “I’ll just lift the edge of the carpet for better access and then… *GAAAHH!!* WHAT??? WHY????”

Also, getting dried cat pee wet, even when using cleaning products, just reactivates all the smell, so it is awful. This is why the hallway counts as one room. It was traumatic, disgusting, and horrifying. Long story short, it’s clean. And the whole house smells much better. I don’t know what to do with Onion, and how to prevent having to do this all over again.

If you have some kind of carpet cleaner like my Green Machine, make sure to clean it out thoroughly after cleaning up something this disgusting. I dumped out all the dirty water, and rinsed out the dirty water tank. I then got a bucket of clean water, and had the Green Machine suck that up as though it were cleaning carpet. I did that twice, so that there was clear water in the dirty tank. That’s really the only way to make sure all those parts get cleaned thoroughly.

So that was my adventure. And I also tripped on the bed, smashing my foot, which is still swollen 18 hours later. That also made it challenging to crawl around on the floor scrubbing. I can’t think of a way to end this humorously. I’m exhausted all over again, just reliving the whole thing. Maybe we’ll end up putting a baby gate at the end of the hallway, but I doubt that will help. Does anyone want a fat, lazy, tuxedo cat? I mean uh..he’s very sweet, and loving, and cuddly, and he can make sangria!! Yeah! It’s great!

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June 3, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . House Stuff.

One Comment

  1. Use it up: Shampoo « My Attempts at Cleverness replied:

    […] teens, she despaired of us ever cleaning a thing voluntarily. After reading the Deep Clean Week posts, she said it should reassure parents everywhere that kids do develop the ability to clean, and in […]

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