An Open Letter: Cable

Dear Cable Channels,

Can I just ask, what the hell am I paying you for? Sitcom reruns from the 90’s? Really? Have no new shows have come out since then? I mean, Roseanne is great and all, just not $50 a month great.

And don’t try to pawn your useless phone service off on me with a “bundle”. Why are you still trying to revive regular phones? Everyone and their dog has a cell phone at this point. I have a feeling the fact that the only calls I get on your phone line are from solicitors is not a coincidence. Are the phones so cheap because you turn around and sell the numbers to telemarketers, whose numbers then pop up with their name on my TV screen? Sneaky, cable company. Pretty sneaky. This “convenience” is simply more advertising!

I just flipped through the channels, and this is what’s on: politics, politics, selling stuff, ads, selling stuff, 80 channels of sports, and 7000 shows about horrible people who are ruining their lives just to be on TV. Oh, and the cooking channel, which just makes me hungry for things I can’t make or afford.

Now that Netflix and Hulu exist, shouldn’t you, like, step up your game? Maybe make new shows? Not reality shows, ones that actually require actors and writers. Reality shows are the vomit of our culture, and I’m sick of you guys spewing it every where. And don’t think you can make one new show, and play the same one episode every night of the week, and we won’t notice (I’m looking at you, Comedy Central).

Seriously guys, this stuff is weak. The networks are always canceling good shows prematurely (Firefly, Arrested Development, Better Off Ted, and Pushing Daisies, to name a few). Why don’t you just pick up where they leave off? Snap up those shows right away, and you can keep the whole cast and crew in place. Sometimes shows get canceled for the wrong reasons (like the premiere that is advertised for weeks is bumped for a repeat of AMERICAN IDOL). This does not mean the show is unsuccessful, and Family Guy and Futurama have both proven that TV execs are morons.

In conclusion, do your damn job and entertain me. You are ridiculous failures.


That Clever Chick


December 5, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Random typing.

One Comment

  1. So Very Frustrated replied:

    I love Firefly and the many other great shows that got cancelled while 2nd rate stars “dance” and feel the need to be judged, on this. I practice so many neater talents in my own private house, but I don’t expect people to watch. Yes, I’m glad tons of pounds are being lost by really fat people. No, I don’t feel the need to tune in to watch every drop of sweat fall. T.V. producers need to grow the hell up, and hire people with talent (read: people who wrote all those cool shows that got hacked) and make some REAL entertainment. Viva Joss Whedon!

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