My Clumsiness

I have a confession to make (yes I know I start lots of posts that way. It’s just for dramatic affect. Stick with me). As you know, I am not 100% clever all of the time. I am constantly injuring myself in ridiculous and stupid ways. Take the shelf revamp, and craft room clean up posts, for example.

Today, I was making burgers in the kitchen, and the hot grease constantly spattering my delicate skin brought to mind other horrific kitchen injuries I have inflicted on myself. Don’t worry, there are no pictures of any boo boos of mine!

One time, I was attempting to make gravy. I don’t remember what I’d been cooking, but I was using a whisk to blend the dripping in the pan into some milk, or water, I’m not sure. Somehow, a giant explosion of hot oil hit me in the face and neck. I don’t mean hot oil as in “Hey, that oil is pretty hot. I’d like it to take me out to dinner and a movie, then back home where I kiss it on the cheek at the door, and I’m in bed by ten.” Hot as in “causes depths of pain you wish you didn’t know about”. I was shocked when it completely healed and I had no scars. I was very lucky, because I also had my glasses on. They were covered in oil. I don’t know what could have happened, and I hope there isn’t some version of me in an alternate dimension that looks like the Toxic Avenger.

That one wasn’t entirely self-inflicted, but the next one was. I have a tendency to get low blood sugar, and when I do I get cranky and slow-witted. I was baking a bunch of food in the oven, and I used a hot pad instead of an oven mitt to pull the shelf out. I grabbed it wrong, and my BARE THUMB pressed into the wire shelf. It was horrible. It kind of ruined the meal I’d been cooking. I coated it in aloe vera gel, and it eventually healed, again, without a scar. I don’t know if I’m incredibly lucky, or unlucky.

The other day, I was turning over in bed. I was about half asleep, glasses off, in the dark room, and I smacked my face into my bedside table. I hit it harder than seems possible, if you believe Newton and Einstein. I mean, I was just turning over! I instantly had a huge goose egg on my cheek bone, and couldn’t sleep on that side. I was certain I would wake up with a helluva black eye, and everyone would think Hubby had beaten me. It’s been almost a week and it still hurts, but without a mark on me. Usually, I bruise like a fruit, but I guess my one cheek bone is impervious. Like, the opposite of Achilles.

I’m assuming more accidents will come up over the course of me blogging, so I thought I’d catch everyone up-to-date. I hope you were entertained by my pain!


October 15, 2010. Tags: , , , . Random typing.


  1. Brianna replied:

    I’m sorry to say, but I think your superpower is healing without a scar. Kind of lame.

  2. Those Infamous Floors « My Attempts at Cleverness replied:

    […] ridiculously dangerous, and spun away from him a bunch of times. I was not allowed near, due to my clumsiness. He managed to get it under control, and you can see we both had breathing masks on, but I […]

  3. So Very Frustrated replied:

    I think I would like to see one of these events occur. I think I might pee myself if I was privy to such an occasion. Please, to let me RSVP for the next self-mutilating / “accident” of yours!

    • thatcleverchick replied:

      If I knew about them ahead of time, I would prevent them, not sell tickets!

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