In honor of Halloween, I decided to post my top 5 favorite zombie movies. I would love to post my costume, and stuff like that, but I don’t want to reveal it before the big moment. Zombie movies are some of my favorites, and if you haven’t seen any of the ones I’m about list, never admit it to anyone. You should be pretty embarrassed.

Zombieland – This movie is hysterical, and I don’t think it got nearly enough notice when it came out. Bill Murray cameos, and it is one of the funniest scenes of any movie in the past couple of years.

Planet Terror – This movie came out as a double feature with Death Proof, by Austin’s precious Quentin Tarantino. Planet Terror is ridiculous, over-the-top, and epic.

Dawn of the Dead – George A. Romero is the god father of zombie movies. I prefer the 2004 version that he wrote, rather than directed. This one is serious, how-the-hell-will-we-survive-this zombie mayhem. Corn syrup explosions abound!

28 Days Later – I love this one because the characters are really practical, and to encourages people to plan ahead for a zombie apocalypse. I think that’s an important lesson to learn.

Shaun of the Dead – This is not only, my very favorite zombie movie, this is one of my favorite movies ever. It is hilarious, clever, and makes me laugh every time I see it.

If watching all those movies made you paranoid, you can always check out the zombie survival guide. It will definitely cheer you up, if nothing else.


October 31, 2010. Tags: , , , . Movie Reviews. 8 comments.

Purse Improvements

I freaking love purses, and I have to restrain myself from filling my house with them. One thing I noticed, is that if I take the time to customize a purse to my needs, I’m less likely to go out and buy a dozen more that are “better”, so we’re filing this under “saving money”.

As you can see, I already have a super bad-ass purse:

I find this kind of epicness at thrift stores all the time. I know you’re jealous. The one problem with this purse? No pockets. Not ONE. I know, right? My phone and keys are constantly sinking all the way to the depths, never to be seen until the call has gone to voicemail. I have a solution that involves fabric scraps, and about an hour of time, at the most.

This is the piece of fabric I planned on using. I measured it around my cell phone, and added about a half inch all the way around to allow for hemming and the fact that my phone is 3 dimensional.

Here I have my trimmed, folded, and pinned pocket-to-be. On this project we’re using the whip stitch again. Once you have the pocket pinned where you want it, start sewing around the outside edge. Be careful not to sew too deeply through the purse. You want to use small stitches, sewing through 1 or 2 threads of the purse with each stitch, that way you won’t see stitches on the outside of the purse.

Ta da! This isn’t exactly the finished product, but you get the idea. I have used this same method to add a pocket to the inside of a sweater. I usually choose a fabric that at least somewhat matches with whatever I’m adding it to. I added another tiny pocket to the other side also, but I didn’t want to bore you guys with repetitive pictures. I’m always thinking of you guys.

October 29, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , . Arts and Crafts, Thriftiness is Cool. 1 comment.

Shirt Remake

I have been attempting to phase normal business shirts out of my wardrobe, in favor of more comfortable attire, preferably things that feel like t-shirts, but look cute. I was inspired by another blog called “New Dress a Day”. The girl who writes it gets cheap dresses, and remakes them so they fit her. I have this one shirt that has adorable fabric, but the sleeves drive me nuts, so they had to go.

I forgot to take a before picture, but this gives you a good idea what it looked like. I folded the shirt in half and lined the sleeves up to make sure they were cut about even.

I folded the edges under, and sewed with a straight stitch. It’s a bit hard to see because I used white, specifically so it would blend in.

As I was sewing, I pulled the thread a little tight and gathered the sleeves. I was careful not to gather it too much. If I made it too tight the sleeves would just irritate me all over again.

Here’s the end result on my sleeves. I think they came out pretty cute, and a little fancier than with plain straight sewing. Also not too bad for my first attempt to alter my clothes. One thing I’d suggest, is to experiment with a shirt you like, and want to keep around, but not one that you like so much you’ll be upset if you inadvertently destroy it. I want to experiment with removing collars later at some point. Stay tuned!!

October 28, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , . Arts and Crafts. Leave a comment.

Belt Remake

I found this awesome belt at the thrift store a couple weeks ago, and it screamed out to be used. It’s a soft blue-teal color, with black and white flowers all over. Personally, I don’t wear fancy belts, so I kept it for awhile before figuring out how I could repurpose it for my own evil ends.

This is what the belt looked like. I took the end section and wrapped it around my wrist to get the general measurement to make a bracelet.

The belt had padding on the inside, so I cut a small section of it off, tucked the raw ends into itself, then sewed it shut.

I added a snap to the end on the inside.

I have buttons galore all over the house, so I decided to dress up the bracelet a bit. I figured I can switch it out whenever I want to match my outfits! I now have a cuff bracelet, and lots more belt to work with. Whatever will I make with it all??

October 25, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , . Arts and Crafts. Leave a comment.

Sausage, cabbage, and sweet potatoes

There are some recipes that are simple, yet delicious, comforting, and easy to make. This is one that my Mom made for us frequently for all of those reasons. I also make it fairly often for the same reasons. It’s also cheap. Yay for cheapness!

I use sausage in a lot of recipes, mostly soups, or with beans, because it adds a lot of flavor with very little effort on my part, but you don’t have to put a whole lot in. When I found a plethora of sausages on sale (a plethora? Si, El Guapo), at the store I bought probably 20 pounds at once, for about $1.50 a pound instead of $4 a pound. These were little hot-dog-length sausages, and I separated them into groups of 4, and put them in ziploc baggies in the freezer. I had about 12 bags of sausages when I was done, enough for 12 batches of soup. Jack pot!

I used one of these pouches of sausage to make this recipe, and I think 2 peeled sweet potatoes, and half a cabbage. Slice up the sausage and start it sauteing in a pan. Chop up the veggies into bite-sized or smaller pieces. Add about a cup of water, and cook the whole thing over medium heat until the potatoes are cooked. I usually use green cabbage, because the purple turns grey when you cook it, and it doesn’t look very appetizing. You can use chicken or beef broth instead of water if you want. My sis, Beans, like to cook it until the sweet potatoes turn almost to soup. I let mine get soft, and a bit saucy. That takes about 45 minutes. You will want to check it and stir it pretty regularly, and add more water if it needs it.

I have yet to take a picture of the finished product because we just eat it too quickly. You can add some garlic salt if you have a low veggie to sausage ratio, but usually I don’t add any spices at all. The whole pot probably cost $5 bucks or so ($3 of sausage, $0.25 cabbage, $2 sweet potatoes), and created 3 big huge servings, meaning dinner for both of us pigs, and lunch for one of us for the next day. Sometimes simple is best.

October 23, 2010. Tags: , , , . Cooking. Leave a comment.

Episode 2: Attack of the Floors

So here we are again, discussing my floor. A chick can get mighty sick of the same project, which is why it took me until now to post all this, when we finished them sometime in July, I think. It’s all a blur of discomfort now. Most of our furniture got moved into the garage, or crammed into other rooms. The only room that was usable was our bedroom upstairs. As I mentioned in the part 1 of this post, all the animals were kept up there almost entirely for about 2 weeks straight. By the time we were done, we were all completely sick of each other.

The part that took the longest in the whole process was the drying time between stages. You had to let all the patching compound dry for at least 24 hours before you could paint over it. The paint we used is a tougher type called floor and porch paint. It comes in premixed colors; you can’t have it mixed like with wall paint. We chose slate gray, so it would be a nice, neutral background for our stuff. We didn’t want anything too dark though, because it would make the whole house look dark.

These are the materials you’ll need: we bought a painting kit that came with the paint tray, 2 rollers, a paint can opener, and some other stuff. You don’t necessarily need the kit, but it was cheaper than buying all the individual stuff we needed. We also got a pole (lower left corner) to attach the roller to. Ask the paint area attendant what type of those yellow rolling things you need, because apparently the different numbers on the packaging mean something.

Remember that we started painting after cleaning the floor EXTREMELY thoroughly. I got on my knees and scrubbed the whole area, about 650 square feet, with a sponge and bucket of water. I also changed the water very frequently. You have to do all the vacuuming and scrubbing before the patching also, don’t forget. We used that blue tape around the base boards, and it turned out to be a huge disappointment. If I had to do it again, I would buy one of those flat edging brushes instead of wasting my time with tape.

Here you can see the before in our “technically-a-dining-area-but-we-call-it-a-library”. The painting process is very straight forward. Stir paint, pour into tray, roll roller in paint, roll on floor. Repeat until floor is covered, and you are trapped sitting on your fireplace with the Buddha statues and dust bunnies for 4 hours until Hubby gets home, then play a real game of “the floor is lava” then paint over your foot prints, which is what you probably should have done in the first place rather than naming all the dust bunnies.

Here you can see a partially painted area, and what the patching looks like. The patching was part of the reason we decided to go with painting, rather than staining the floors, plus all that lovely wall paint the builder sprayed around the edges of the room. The patching will not usually absorb the stain the same way the original concrete does, so you’ll still see the patches. One solution to this, that I’m shamelessly stealing from my mom-in-law, is to stain the floors, then paint about a 6 inch wide stripe around the base of the walls. She taped off the area, then used black paint. It looks really sophisticated, and did not even remotely occur to me. Aren’t you glad I’m here to lend you my stolen ideas? If you don’t give ME credit though, I will find you. And probably flick uncooked beans at your face.

Ah, just what I needed; a picture to get me back on track. This is the completed dining area. After the paint had dried the designated amount of time, we coated it with a clear layer for protection. I also don’t have a picture of that stuff, and it was also in the paint department at Home Depot. It went on white, and dried clear. I used the same roller on a pole to spread it around. It had to dry for 48 hours.

When we pulled back the tape, there were several areas where paint had seeped onto the base boards, or the tape pulled paint off the floor. We were also a bit impatient to get the furniture back in place, and made a couple nicks in the floor ourselves, but it’s nothing a well placed rug didn’t fix!

Here’s the finished area, from a different angle. It came out great, and we have already had several pet accidents, and a couple spilled beers to test the paint. It cleans up great. To clean it I’ve been sweeping, then Swiffering, or vacuuming, and to scrub I used a Swiffer WetJet. It is MUCH faster than vacuuming the whole thing was before. All in all, to refinish 650 square feet cost about $300, total. That’s 50 cents per square foot, which cheaper than even the cheapest tile before installation. If we hadn’t rented that machine, it would have been around $200, but live and learn.

What I would do differently: Put down an extra layer of paint, use an edging brush instead of painter’s tape, and probably do an extra layer of the clear coat, and let everything dry another day before moving the furniture in. It was VERY hard work, so if you attempt this, expect to be sore. As always, I am chock full of useful advice, so if you have any questions, or if I missed something, let me know in the comments. I’m sure I could type about this for HOURS.

October 22, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . House Stuff, Thriftiness is Cool. 1 comment.

Those Infamous Floors

What does infamous mean? More than famous, of course. I have mentioned the floors in our house many times, mostly as an excuse for not blogging enough. I have tons of pictures, and thought it was about time I give you all the basics of how it all went down.

Hubby and I had been discussing what to do with our floors for quite a while. As you should know by now, the carpet is green, and therefore matches nothing. We wanted to do something we could complete and maintain ourselves, since we are, of course, broke and cheap. We also wanted something more pet friendly for the 3 cats and new puppy, meaning easy-to-clean-poo-and-vomit-off-of.

We had discussed concrete floors, and I had even done some preliminary research. There is concrete under the carpet, but I was under the impression that it was fairly low-quality and crumbly, as it appeared in one corner where we pulled up the carpet to investigate. Everything I read online said that you had to get this leveling compound stuff, and basically spread a new layer of nice concrete over the original. This promised to be expensive, and impossible for anyone but a professional to complete properly. We gave up, and decided to deal with the sea of hideousness, for the time being.

One day, I was cleaning under the stove (what, don’t you do that? No? Just me?), and I saw what appeared to be high-quality, smooth concrete. This got me curious, so we pulled back that corner of carpet much further, and saw that the whole slab was in pretty awesome shape, just dirty and covered with duct tape (duct tape?! Oh yes. The previous Home Owners, mentioned and ridiculed thoroughly in one of the posts I linked to above, had oh so safely run electrical wires all along the concrete under the carpet. ‘Fire hazards be damned! I want my surround sound in place as if by magic!” I imagine them saying, in their rage-inducing ignorance).

Once Hubby and I discussed and agreed to painted concrete floors, he went bat-shit crazy, in a useful way. Basically, I came home from work and the stained ocean of ugly was gone!

This is an “in-the-midst” shot from the second floor, looking down.

Hubby went all the way around the rooms pulling the carpet tacks out of the floor. Those are the wooden strips that go around the edge, near the wall, and are full of tiny, brittle, rusty nails that will break off and embed in your flesh. Hubby simply used a hammer to pull them all up. No matter what you do, they cause divets in the floor like the above picture.

They are generally shallow, and they sell patching stuff at Home Depot, I think in the paint department. It was really easy to use, sorry I don’t have a picture. Pay attention to what you get, because they tried to sell us all kinds of random crap. There is premixed stuff you can use, and all you need is a trowel (one of those flat plastic or metal spready things). They tried to sell us powdered stuff we’d have to mix ourselves that had all kinds of crazy warning labels, and on and on. We just asked every different employee in the store until we found what we needed.

We also rented the monstrosity you see pictured above to sand the floors down. This mainly seemed to kick up massive amounts of dust, and cost 80 bucks. If I had to do this whole process over again, I would have skipped that step. There was some glue on the floor, from the carpet installation, which is what we were trying to remove with this thing. The glue ignored it pretty easily. I think we should have used our same strategy for finding the floor patching compound to find a glue solvent. The floor already has hairline cracks running all over, so I knew we were going to end up with a bit of an industrial look. Well, at least I am here to share my wisdom with you.

This is Hubby using the machine. This thing was also ridiculously dangerous, and spun away from him a bunch of times. I was not allowed near, due to my clumsiness. He managed to get it under control, and you can see we both had breathing masks on, but I don’t know how much good they did. We had the presence of mind to shut off the AC, and shut all the doors in the house to keep the dust contained. We bought those really good air filters also, for when we eventually turned the air back on.

After this step, we let the dust settle for 2 days, then vacuumed, swept, dusted, and mopped repeatedly to pick up as much as we could. During the whole process, we kept all the animals locked up in our bedroom. All of us spent the majority of our time in there for probably 2 weeks solid. It was rough.

I guess I’ll make this a 2 part post, this one being the “prep” part. (You can see some awesome before and after pics in my Ikea post, if you can’t wait for part 2). The basics: remove carpet, remove carpet tacks, do not sand floor, clean floor thoroughly, patch holes, let dry thoroughly, then we move onto painting the floor. I have heard that there is acid you can get to etch the floor to prepare it for the painting also, but I have no idea how necessary that is. We have already had a couple spots where paint pulled up, but I don’t know if the acid would have prevented this, or if we needed another layer of paint. See you in the next post!

October 21, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . House Stuff, Thriftiness is Cool. 6 comments.

Use it Up: Bananas

We buy bananas pretty regularly, and we never finish them before they start getting a bit past their prime. I’m not even much of a fan of bananas, but they are good for you, so I attempt to choke them down periodically. Once they start to get even the tiniest bit brown, I peel them and throw them in the freezer to use later.

The best way to use up frozen bananas is to make banana bread, but I’m not making it today, so we’ll have to save that for a later post. Usually, I use them up in smoothies. Any time I have any fruit that starts to get a bit soft, goes into my freezer, so I usually use a bunch at the same time in my smoothies. Today I have a super simple, delicious recipe.

You will need milk, bananas, and some form of chocolate powder or syrup. I have nesquik on hand, but hot cocoa works just as well. I used a few frozen bananas, and some fresh, about 6 total for two shakes.

Put the ingredients in the blender. Blend. Drink. Thank me profusely.

It tastes pretty much like bananas and chocolate, but this is an excellent way to satisfy a sweet tooth in a healthier way than eating a tub of ice cream, or an entire cake. You could add a little vanilla extract too, to give it an extra bit of flavor. I’ve also made these using chocolate protein powder, and they are very tasty. Now we can all watch our girlish figures together!

October 19, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , . Cooking. 3 comments.


I am a HUGE fan of Halloween. Hubby and I have been planning our costumes all year. I’m starting to decorate, and of course, I love home-made and cheap stuff. So here we go with a Halloween themed project!

I already have a framed antique picture from the 1800’s that’s pretty creepy looking, so I decided to make more decorations in that vein.  I have a faux antique frame, a mat from another frame, and an old creepy picture from a magazine.

I measured the mat to the frame, traced and trimmed it. I centered it to trim it, in case I want to use it for a future project. I also tried to fit it into the frame before painting it, and ended up having to trim it again so it would fit.

I painted the mat black with regular acrylic paint. I let it dry thoroughly. I then put the magazine picture into the frame, then pinned it in with the mat and the backing of the frame.

Creepy, right?? I had to move it, because Hubby was at work, it got dark, and it was sitting on the couch staring at me. It will be somewhere prominent for Halloween!

October 17, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Arts and Crafts. 1 comment.

My Clumsiness

I have a confession to make (yes I know I start lots of posts that way. It’s just for dramatic affect. Stick with me). As you know, I am not 100% clever all of the time. I am constantly injuring myself in ridiculous and stupid ways. Take the shelf revamp, and craft room clean up posts, for example.

Today, I was making burgers in the kitchen, and the hot grease constantly spattering my delicate skin brought to mind other horrific kitchen injuries I have inflicted on myself. Don’t worry, there are no pictures of any boo boos of mine!

One time, I was attempting to make gravy. I don’t remember what I’d been cooking, but I was using a whisk to blend the dripping in the pan into some milk, or water, I’m not sure. Somehow, a giant explosion of hot oil hit me in the face and neck. I don’t mean hot oil as in “Hey, that oil is pretty hot. I’d like it to take me out to dinner and a movie, then back home where I kiss it on the cheek at the door, and I’m in bed by ten.” Hot as in “causes depths of pain you wish you didn’t know about”. I was shocked when it completely healed and I had no scars. I was very lucky, because I also had my glasses on. They were covered in oil. I don’t know what could have happened, and I hope there isn’t some version of me in an alternate dimension that looks like the Toxic Avenger.

That one wasn’t entirely self-inflicted, but the next one was. I have a tendency to get low blood sugar, and when I do I get cranky and slow-witted. I was baking a bunch of food in the oven, and I used a hot pad instead of an oven mitt to pull the shelf out. I grabbed it wrong, and my BARE THUMB pressed into the wire shelf. It was horrible. It kind of ruined the meal I’d been cooking. I coated it in aloe vera gel, and it eventually healed, again, without a scar. I don’t know if I’m incredibly lucky, or unlucky.

The other day, I was turning over in bed. I was about half asleep, glasses off, in the dark room, and I smacked my face into my bedside table. I hit it harder than seems possible, if you believe Newton and Einstein. I mean, I was just turning over! I instantly had a huge goose egg on my cheek bone, and couldn’t sleep on that side. I was certain I would wake up with a helluva black eye, and everyone would think Hubby had beaten me. It’s been almost a week and it still hurts, but without a mark on me. Usually, I bruise like a fruit, but I guess my one cheek bone is impervious. Like, the opposite of Achilles.

I’m assuming more accidents will come up over the course of me blogging, so I thought I’d catch everyone up-to-date. I hope you were entertained by my pain!

October 15, 2010. Tags: , , , . Random typing. 4 comments.

It’s not pleasant. Period.

As I write this, I am on the first day of the most horrific part of my lady cycle. Aunt Irma is visiting according to “The IT Crowd”, and I was hoping for some empathy. Hubby is at work, and I was laying in my dark bedroom, alone aside from Flapjack, and a cat that won’t shut up. I decided I need a distraction from my misery, so here’s a taste of what it’s like to be me on the day I’ve “fallen to the Communists”.

1. Lay in bed whining, attempting to sound like an injured puppy, so the dog will understand you are in pain and bring you treats.

2. Endlessly text Hubby and sister telling them of the horrors you are experiencing. Cry when you don’t receive a text back within 18 seconds. Obviously no one loves you.

3. Resolve to order massive amounts of Chinese food, only to realize you cleaned out the checking account to buy 7 dozen eclairs on the way home from work, the last of which you’ve already eaten.

4. Rail against God, and organized religion in general for the oppression of women and destruction of nature worship. There should be a crowd of servants around you right now providing for your every whim and marveling at your fertility.

5. Apologize to God, and beg for a new form of Midol that more closely resembles heroin.

6. After 18 seconds, attempt to bargain with Satan. Offer to sacrifice the shrieking cat to him if he’ll make the pain stop. Evidently he doesn’t want her either.

7. Finally disengage from blankets, and resolve again to order everything on the Chinese menu, as well as 3 pizzas.

8. Drag heating pad behind you from room to room, like a small child with a stuffed animal. This reminds you of your childhood toy, which is on a shelf where you can’t reach it. Cry dejectedly on the stairs for 20 minutes because your bear must think you don’t love him.

9. Shriek like a banshee at the air conditioner for making a noise.

10. Finally, walk downstairs, and kick any random thing that happens to be in your way. You’ve taken enough Midol to not feel your legs, but apparently this will not mitigate the uterine contractions.

11. Lay on the couch to rest, and scheme about how to acquire a goat. Obviously a portal to hell is opening in your lower abdomen, and a sacrificial goat is the only thing to quiet it down.

12. Wonder aloud why there is not a chocolate delivery service. Begin narrating business plan to create one as soon as you have the energy. Realize the cats are not taking notes, and give up. You are obviously a complete failure. The kid can write the Eragon books at age 12, and you just lay around talking to your animals like a demented cat lady. Cry for 32 minutes.

13. Attempt to find comfort in your favorite old sitcoms. Turn it off after five minutes, disgusted with how happy and bright everything is. Bitches.

14. Strongly consider eating dog’s rawhide treat. He’s trying to share it, right?

15. Text every Catholic person you know, casually inquiring about exorcisms.

16. Text every heterosexual male you know, casually asking if they ever saved anyone in the Alien movies who already had the alien babies writhing around inside them.

17. Resolve never to have children.

18. See a commercial for the “Gerber Life Grow Up Plan” and cry because you don’t have any babies. Wipe face with hand, wipe hand on dog.

19. Drag yourself to the kitchen. There is no food because you’re a lazy bastard and didn’t go to the store. Drink glass of box wine instead of food.

20. Realize 6 Midol in 2 hours and a glass of wine may not be the best combination. Stumble to computer to tweet about it.

21. Notice several of your last tweets reference “box wine”, and there’s even one referencing how much you reference box wine. Resolve to quit drinking forever.

22. After this glass.

23. Scream yourself hoarse at your Farmville because your crops are not ripe.

24. Wonder at the continuation of the human race in spite of this monthly reminder all women have about how painful it is to get even liquid out of their uteri. No wonder everyone thinks women are dumber than men! Men get hit in the nuts once, and invent the cup. Women are awful!

25. See a commercial about bras, and decide all women are beautiful. Resolve to love yourself more, and wear those jeans you love, but someone once said weren’t that flattering on you, because you ARE beautiful. Call all females in your phone and tell them they are you spirit sisters, and we must all love and support each other in all of our endeavors.

26. Scream through walls at neighbor for letting his car alarm go off. Find random objects nearby to throw, and cry when they hit the floor four feet away. Resolve to get into shape as soon as you feel better.

27. Order Chinese food anyway, and request 45 fortune cookies. Hope they won’t run the charge until tomorrow. Tell them to keep their “tiny useless sticks” and bring a shovel so you can feed yourself “properly”.

28. Take two more Midol.

29. Realize your heating pad hasn’t been plugged in this whole time. Feel like an idiot. Resolve to get janitorial job, because that’s obviously all you’re good for.

30. Feel guilty for denigrating janitorial workers. Plan to bring presents for the janitors at your office.

31. When the Chinese food arrives, offer a dissertation on the plight of immigrants in America, and tell the delivery guy how noble he is for his struggle towards the American dream. He informs you he was, in fact, born here, and is a local college student. He declines the extra two dollars from your slimy, mucus covered hand.

32. Wonder if a bowling ball could have spontaneously generated in your GI tract, become sentient, and be attempting escape.

33. Wish, beg, and entreat all super natural beings of both the light and darkness to give you the power to set fires with your mind. Focus really hard on the neighbor’s ugly bush they won’t trim. When it doesn’t ignite, search for “Firestarter” on Netflix.

34. Realize Steven King looks like an ape, and you hate everything he’s ever written. Decide to start new blog dedicated to his destruction.

35. Also realize this means you’ll have to read everything he’s ever written, plus probably watch the movie adaptations. Shudder violently, and almost lose your appetite, gagging a little. Decide to stick with your current blog.

36. Eat self into semi-comatose state. You still can’t sleep, your uterus still feels as though demon-spawn will start bursting out any second, and now your stuffed belly is weighing down on it. Turn heating pad on high.

37. Surrender to online shopping.

38. Start work on creating teleportation, so you can get your new books from Amazon NOW because you NEED THEM!!

39. Realize you have a barely functional knowledge of any and all sciences. And you thought you were smart. How dare you even VOTE much less act as though you are smarter than anyone else? Plus, you’re fat.

40. Eat more Chinese food, along with a donut you found next to the couch. It can’t be that old. Wash this down with more box wine. You might as well finish the box, since it’s half gone already.

October 14, 2010. Tags: , , , , , . Random typing. 2 comments.

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