In honor of Halloween, I decided to post my top 5 favorite zombie movies. I would love to post my costume, and stuff like that, but I don’t want to reveal it before the big moment. Zombie movies are some of my favorites, and if you haven’t seen any of the ones I’m about list, never admit it to anyone. You should be pretty embarrassed.
Zombieland – This movie is hysterical, and I don’t think it got nearly enough notice when it came out. Bill Murray cameos, and it is one of the funniest scenes of any movie in the past couple of years.
Planet Terror – This movie came out as a double feature with Death Proof, by Austin’s precious Quentin Tarantino. Planet Terror is ridiculous, over-the-top, and epic.
Dawn of the Dead – George A. Romero is the god father of zombie movies. I prefer the 2004 version that he wrote, rather than directed. This one is serious, how-the-hell-will-we-survive-this zombie mayhem. Corn syrup explosions abound!
28 Days Later – I love this one because the characters are really practical, and to encourages people to plan ahead for a zombie apocalypse. I think that’s an important lesson to learn.
Shaun of the Dead – This is not only, my very favorite zombie movie, this is one of my favorite movies ever. It is hilarious, clever, and makes me laugh every time I see it.
If watching all those movies made you paranoid, you can always check out the zombie survival guide. It will definitely cheer you up, if nothing else.
I freaking love purses, and I have to restrain myself from filling my house with them. One thing I noticed, is that if I take the time to customize a purse to my needs, I’m less likely to go out and buy a dozen more that are “better”, so we’re filing this under “saving money”.
As you can see, I already have a super bad-ass purse:
I find this kind of epicness at thrift stores all the time. I know you’re jealous. The one problem with this purse? No pockets. Not ONE. I know, right? My phone and keys are constantly sinking all the way to the depths, never to be seen until the call has gone to voicemail. I have a solution that involves fabric scraps, and about an hour of time, at the most.
This is the piece of fabric I planned on using. I measured it around my cell phone, and added about a half inch all the way around to allow for hemming and the fact that my phone is 3 dimensional.
Here I have my trimmed, folded, and pinned pocket-to-be. On this project we’re using the whip stitch again. Once you have the pocket pinned where you want it, start sewing around the outside edge. Be careful not to sew too deeply through the purse. You want to use small stitches, sewing through 1 or 2 threads of the purse with each stitch, that way you won’t see stitches on the outside of the purse.
Ta da! This isn’t exactly the finished product, but you get the idea. I have used this same method to add a pocket to the inside of a sweater. I usually choose a fabric that at least somewhat matches with whatever I’m adding it to. I added another tiny pocket to the other side also, but I didn’t want to bore you guys with repetitive pictures. I’m always thinking of you guys.
I have been attempting to phase normal business shirts out of my wardrobe, in favor of more comfortable attire, preferably things that feel like t-shirts, but look cute. I was inspired by another blog called “New Dress a Day”. The girl who writes it gets cheap dresses, and remakes them so they fit her. I have this one shirt that has adorable fabric, but the sleeves drive me nuts, so they had to go.
I forgot to take a before picture, but this gives you a good idea what it looked like. I folded the shirt in half and lined the sleeves up to make sure they were cut about even.
I folded the edges under, and sewed with a straight stitch. It’s a bit hard to see because I used white, specifically so it would blend in.
As I was sewing, I pulled the thread a little tight and gathered the sleeves. I was careful not to gather it too much. If I made it too tight the sleeves would just irritate me all over again.
Here’s the end result on my sleeves. I think they came out pretty cute, and a little fancier than with plain straight sewing. Also not too bad for my first attempt to alter my clothes. One thing I’d suggest, is to experiment with a shirt you like, and want to keep around, but not one that you like so much you’ll be upset if you inadvertently destroy it. I want to experiment with removing collars later at some point. Stay tuned!!
There are some recipes that are simple, yet delicious, comforting, and easy to make. This is one that my Mom made for us frequently for all of those reasons. I also make it fairly often for the same reasons. It’s also cheap. Yay for cheapness!
I use sausage in a lot of recipes, mostly soups, or with beans, because it adds a lot of flavor with very little effort on my part, but you don’t have to put a whole lot in. When I found a plethora of sausages on sale (a plethora? Si, El Guapo), at the store I bought probably 20 pounds at once, for about $1.50 a pound instead of $4 a pound. These were little hot-dog-length sausages, and I separated them into groups of 4, and put them in ziploc baggies in the freezer. I had about 12 bags of sausages when I was done, enough for 12 batches of soup. Jack pot!
I used one of these pouches of sausage to make this recipe, and I think 2 peeled sweet potatoes, and half a cabbage. Slice up the sausage and start it sauteing in a pan. Chop up the veggies into bite-sized or smaller pieces. Add about a cup of water, and cook the whole thing over medium heat until the potatoes are cooked. I usually use green cabbage, because the purple turns grey when you cook it, and it doesn’t look very appetizing. You can use chicken or beef broth instead of water if you want. My sis, Beans, like to cook it until the sweet potatoes turn almost to soup. I let mine get soft, and a bit saucy. That takes about 45 minutes. You will want to check it and stir it pretty regularly, and add more water if it needs it.
I have yet to take a picture of the finished product because we just eat it too quickly. You can add some garlic salt if you have a low veggie to sausage ratio, but usually I don’t add any spices at all. The whole pot probably cost $5 bucks or so ($3 of sausage, $0.25 cabbage, $2 sweet potatoes), and created 3 big huge servings, meaning dinner for both of us pigs, and lunch for one of us for the next day. Sometimes simple is best.
We buy bananas pretty regularly, and we never finish them before they start getting a bit past their prime. I’m not even much of a fan of bananas, but they are good for you, so I attempt to choke them down periodically. Once they start to get even the tiniest bit brown, I peel them and throw them in the freezer to use later.
The best way to use up frozen bananas is to make banana bread, but I’m not making it today, so we’ll have to save that for a later post. Usually, I use them up in smoothies. Any time I have any fruit that starts to get a bit soft, goes into my freezer, so I usually use a bunch at the same time in my smoothies. Today I have a super simple, delicious recipe.
You will need milk, bananas, and some form of chocolate powder or syrup. I have nesquik on hand, but hot cocoa works just as well. I used a few frozen bananas, and some fresh, about 6 total for two shakes.
Put the ingredients in the blender. Blend. Drink. Thank me profusely.
It tastes pretty much like bananas and chocolate, but this is an excellent way to satisfy a sweet tooth in a healthier way than eating a tub of ice cream, or an entire cake. You could add a little vanilla extract too, to give it an extra bit of flavor. I’ve also made these using chocolate protein powder, and they are very tasty. Now we can all watch our girlish figures together!
I have a confession to make (yes I know I start lots of posts that way. It’s just for dramatic affect. Stick with me). As you know, I am not 100% clever all of the time. I am constantly injuring myself in ridiculous and stupid ways. Take the shelf revamp, and craft room clean up posts, for example.
Today, I was making burgers in the kitchen, and the hot grease constantly spattering my delicate skin brought to mind other horrific kitchen injuries I have inflicted on myself. Don’t worry, there are no pictures of any boo boos of mine!
One time, I was attempting to make gravy. I don’t remember what I’d been cooking, but I was using a whisk to blend the dripping in the pan into some milk, or water, I’m not sure. Somehow, a giant explosion of hot oil hit me in the face and neck. I don’t mean hot oil as in “Hey, that oil is pretty hot. I’d like it to take me out to dinner and a movie, then back home where I kiss it on the cheek at the door, and I’m in bed by ten.” Hot as in “causes depths of pain you wish you didn’t know about”. I was shocked when it completely healed and I had no scars. I was very lucky, because I also had my glasses on. They were covered in oil. I don’t know what could have happened, and I hope there isn’t some version of me in an alternate dimension that looks like the Toxic Avenger.
That one wasn’t entirely self-inflicted, but the next one was. I have a tendency to get low blood sugar, and when I do I get cranky and slow-witted. I was baking a bunch of food in the oven, and I used a hot pad instead of an oven mitt to pull the shelf out. I grabbed it wrong, and my BARE THUMB pressed into the wire shelf. It was horrible. It kind of ruined the meal I’d been cooking. I coated it in aloe vera gel, and it eventually healed, again, without a scar. I don’t know if I’m incredibly lucky, or unlucky.
The other day, I was turning over in bed. I was about half asleep, glasses off, in the dark room, and I smacked my face into my bedside table. I hit it harder than seems possible, if you believe Newton and Einstein. I mean, I was just turning over! I instantly had a huge goose egg on my cheek bone, and couldn’t sleep on that side. I was certain I would wake up with a helluva black eye, and everyone would think Hubby had beaten me. It’s been almost a week and it still hurts, but without a mark on me. Usually, I bruise like a fruit, but I guess my one cheek bone is impervious. Like, the opposite of Achilles.
I’m assuming more accidents will come up over the course of me blogging, so I thought I’d catch everyone up-to-date. I hope you were entertained by my pain!
As I write this, I am on the first day of the most horrific part of my lady cycle. Aunt Irma is visiting according to “The IT Crowd”, and I was hoping for some empathy. Hubby is at work, and I was laying in my dark bedroom, alone aside from Flapjack, and a cat that won’t shut up. I decided I need a distraction from my misery, so here’s a taste of what it’s like to be me on the day I’ve “fallen to the Communists”.
1. Lay in bed whining, attempting to sound like an injured puppy, so the dog will understand you are in pain and bring you treats.
2. Endlessly text Hubby and sister telling them of the horrors you are experiencing. Cry when you don’t receive a text back within 18 seconds. Obviously no one loves you.
3. Resolve to order massive amounts of Chinese food, only to realize you cleaned out the checking account to buy 7 dozen eclairs on the way home from work, the last of which you’ve already eaten.
4. Rail against God, and organized religion in general for the oppression of women and destruction of nature worship. There should be a crowd of servants around you right now providing for your every whim and marveling at your fertility.
5. Apologize to God, and beg for a new form of Midol that more closely resembles heroin.
6. After 18 seconds, attempt to bargain with Satan. Offer to sacrifice the shrieking cat to him if he’ll make the pain stop. Evidently he doesn’t want her either.
7. Finally disengage from blankets, and resolve again to order everything on the Chinese menu, as well as 3 pizzas.
8. Drag heating pad behind you from room to room, like a small child with a stuffed animal. This reminds you of your childhood toy, which is on a shelf where you can’t reach it. Cry dejectedly on the stairs for 20 minutes because your bear must think you don’t love him.
9. Shriek like a banshee at the air conditioner for making a noise.
10. Finally, walk downstairs, and kick any random thing that happens to be in your way. You’ve taken enough Midol to not feel your legs, but apparently this will not mitigate the uterine contractions.
11. Lay on the couch to rest, and scheme about how to acquire a goat. Obviously a portal to hell is opening in your lower abdomen, and a sacrificial goat is the only thing to quiet it down.
12. Wonder aloud why there is not a chocolate delivery service. Begin narrating business plan to create one as soon as you have the energy. Realize the cats are not taking notes, and give up. You are obviously a complete failure. The kid can write the Eragon books at age 12, and you just lay around talking to your animals like a demented cat lady. Cry for 32 minutes.
13. Attempt to find comfort in your favorite old sitcoms. Turn it off after five minutes, disgusted with how happy and bright everything is. Bitches.
14. Strongly consider eating dog’s rawhide treat. He’s trying to share it, right?
15. Text every Catholic person you know, casually inquiring about exorcisms.
16. Text every heterosexual male you know, casually asking if they ever saved anyone in the Alien movies who already had the alien babies writhing around inside them.
17. Resolve never to have children.
18. See a commercial for the “Gerber Life Grow Up Plan” and cry because you don’t have any babies. Wipe face with hand, wipe hand on dog.
19. Drag yourself to the kitchen. There is no food because you’re a lazy bastard and didn’t go to the store. Drink glass of box wine instead of food.
20. Realize 6 Midol in 2 hours and a glass of wine may not be the best combination. Stumble to computer to tweet about it.
21. Notice several of your last tweets reference “box wine”, and there’s even one referencing how much you reference box wine. Resolve to quit drinking forever.
22. After this glass.
23. Scream yourself hoarse at your Farmville because your crops are not ripe.
24. Wonder at the continuation of the human race in spite of this monthly reminder all women have about how painful it is to get even liquid out of their uteri. No wonder everyone thinks women are dumber than men! Men get hit in the nuts once, and invent the cup. Women are awful!
25. See a commercial about bras, and decide all women are beautiful. Resolve to love yourself more, and wear those jeans you love, but someone once said weren’t that flattering on you, because you ARE beautiful. Call all females in your phone and tell them they are you spirit sisters, and we must all love and support each other in all of our endeavors.
26. Scream through walls at neighbor for letting his car alarm go off. Find random objects nearby to throw, and cry when they hit the floor four feet away. Resolve to get into shape as soon as you feel better.
27. Order Chinese food anyway, and request 45 fortune cookies. Hope they won’t run the charge until tomorrow. Tell them to keep their “tiny useless sticks” and bring a shovel so you can feed yourself “properly”.
28. Take two more Midol.
29. Realize your heating pad hasn’t been plugged in this whole time. Feel like an idiot. Resolve to get janitorial job, because that’s obviously all you’re good for.
30. Feel guilty for denigrating janitorial workers. Plan to bring presents for the janitors at your office.
31. When the Chinese food arrives, offer a dissertation on the plight of immigrants in America, and tell the delivery guy how noble he is for his struggle towards the American dream. He informs you he was, in fact, born here, and is a local college student. He declines the extra two dollars from your slimy, mucus covered hand.
32. Wonder if a bowling ball could have spontaneously generated in your GI tract, become sentient, and be attempting escape.
33. Wish, beg, and entreat all super natural beings of both the light and darkness to give you the power to set fires with your mind. Focus really hard on the neighbor’s ugly bush they won’t trim. When it doesn’t ignite, search for “Firestarter” on Netflix.
34. Realize Steven King looks like an ape, and you hate everything he’s ever written. Decide to start new blog dedicated to his destruction.
35. Also realize this means you’ll have to read everything he’s ever written, plus probably watch the movie adaptations. Shudder violently, and almost lose your appetite, gagging a little. Decide to stick with your current blog.
36. Eat self into semi-comatose state. You still can’t sleep, your uterus still feels as though demon-spawn will start bursting out any second, and now your stuffed belly is weighing down on it. Turn heating pad on high.
37. Surrender to online shopping.
38. Start work on creating teleportation, so you can get your new books from Amazon NOW because you NEED THEM!!
39. Realize you have a barely functional knowledge of any and all sciences. And you thought you were smart. How dare you even VOTE much less act as though you are smarter than anyone else? Plus, you’re fat.
40. Eat more Chinese food, along with a donut you found next to the couch. It can’t be that old. Wash this down with more box wine. You might as well finish the box, since it’s half gone already.