Why I Hate Wal-Mart

The dishes are running, the dryer is drying, chicken is cooking, errands have been run, and I have a nice glass of Irish Cream on the rocks. Brace yourself, people. We are heading into full rant mode!

I am not going to go into any of the “it’s a giant evil corporation that treats its employees horrifically” stuff. You probably know all about that and have already decided if you agree or disagree, so I’m not going to beat a dead horse. My issues with Walmart are much more personal, and therefore make me more violent (hence the alcohol; I self-medicate).

I went to Walmart today with a list of 5 things. I bought one of them before I gave up and left. I went to my HEB for the other things instead (HEB is a Texas chain of grocery stores, and you should weep everyday that you don’t have access to one, they’re that awesome). Here’s my problems with Walmart, in no particular order:

1. People always go out of their way to block as much of the aisle as possible. Today I had to turn around on three different aisles and head back the way I came because all the inconsiderate jerks in the area moseyed over to Wally World today. I got stuck by a woman blocking an entire 4-way intersection with her cart, herself, and her children that she was carefully ignoring destroying merchandise and beating each other. Keep in mind, I was in the store for twenty minutes.

2. I had to buy a dog crate for my darling Flapjack. The display dog crates were 6 (I counted) aisles from the purchasable crates, which were on the top shelf, and uber heavy. Of course there were no employees around to help me, and even if there had been, what use is an 87 year old lady going to be? Whoever loaded the boxes over there must have been the same guy that put the Arc of the Covenant in storage, because he obviously didn’t expect it to ever come out again.

3. The price tags do not show the cost per unit. I have to have my cell phone out the whole time I’m there to figure out what’s the best deal. How am I supposed to do the math in my head to figure out how much per ounce the 63.5 ounce container is? HEB puts the price per ounce, or sometimes per count, right on the label, so you know just what you’re getting. Maybe I’m spoiled, but if so that’s just more evidence why you should campaign HEB to open one in your area.

4. The store brands were more expensive that the name brands. I looked at dish washing detergent and light bulbs, and on both of these items the store brand cost significantly more than the name brand. The light bulbs were about a dollar more, and the detergent about $0.50. They are counting on the fact that people assume the “Great Value” brand will be the cheapest option and pick it up without looking. It is totally their right to prey on the stupidity of their customers, but I’m hoping you are too clever to fall for their schemes (or at least will be aware of it now that your resident Clever Chick has pointed it out). I just don’t want any of my loyal minions to be duped!

5. I hate it!!! Something about the warehouse feeling, the chaos of the aisles, or the over-dry air inside Walmart creates some kind of visceral discomfort in me. I can’t explain it, but the second I walk in the door my shoulders tense up, and I can’t wait to be out of there. The buildings look like they should be in the USSR, holding people for thought crimes. And (at least in the one I was in today) the aisles are short and set at right angles to each other, and nothing was in any kind of logical place. Why is lotion next to pet stuff? Why are dishes next to hardware? Why is fishing gear next to party supplies? Walmart is all the things I detest: inefficiency, fake frugality (or frauxgality, as I like to call it), and clutter.

I want you all to know how hard it was for me to relive the horrors of Walmart. I did it just to save you the effort of finding out for yourselves. Now, maybe the healing can begin.


September 17, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , . Random typing, Thriftiness is Cool.


  1. kornberg replied:

    also the value brand is severely shoddier than the name brand. mostly you can’t tell the difference between hill country fare and brand name stuff at the heb but you totally can at wal mart.

    also it’s like they won’t admit children unless they have a sufficient layer of sticky, grubby filth, a major sugar high and a penchant for screeching.

    • thatcleverchick replied:

      how did I forget those two? HEB brand stuff is my favorite, Walmart brand is gross. Their produce is disgusting also! The children have to be especially destructive also, and all customers have to have a complete disregard for all fellow humans. There are so many reasons to hate it, I could start a whole separate blog.

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