Emergency Cleaning Guide

So you get the dreaded call: Grandma is coming over! She’ll be here in about ten minutes! Yay! No matter how much you love your family, friends, or in-laws, there will be someone who comes over with little warning, that has a tendency toward being judgmental. This is your guide to prioritize and make the most of what little cleaning time you have.

First: Any porn? Find anything inappropriate that may be laying around, and hide it quick! Don’t forget to clear your browser’s history if the person coming over is likely to get on your computer.

Second: Does it smell? Open the windows if possible, and spray air freshener. This gives it time to dissipate enough that it’s not obvious when they get there.

Third: Anything disgusting? Old dishes, stinky trash, toenail clippings, etc. At least get the dishes to the sink, but don’t take the time to start a load of dishes now.

Fourth: Clutter? Pick up the random crap laying around and stow it somewhere. Try to put as much of it away as possible, or else you’ll just create problems for yourself later. Anything else, hide in a closet for now.

Fifth: Anything else you have time for? Any large, broad areas of blank space will look clean. Quickly making the bed, running a sponge over the counters, vacuuming, and emptying the trash all make a big visual difference. If you don’t have time to start the dishes, or it’s already full, stack the dishes into as small an area as possible.

Hopefully this will be enough to get by. The last thing, if you have time, is to put out something the person coming over got for you. Put it somewhere prominent, but not obvious.

Don’t forget to make sure you yourself are not all stinky and dirty. They’ll probably give you a hug, and you wouldn’t want them to fall over unconscious from your body odor.

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September 13, 2010. Tags: , , , , . House Stuff.

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