Things I want to rant about at work

We have a tiny kitchenette at my office, and, as with any shared space, people do not take proper care of it. I don’t know if it’s the lack of accountability or what, but people who are usually neat and polite in person, turn into complete selfish jackasses when there are no witnesses. Instead of worrying about a tree falling in the forest, the question should be “If there’s no one in the kitchen, will a person clean up after themselves?” The answer is a resounding no (unless that person is me, because I know that with my luck someone would walk in just as I was stealing their lunch, or leaving a coffee spill, so I ALWAYS hide the evidence clean up after myself).

When I see one paper towel left on the roll:
Just replace the roll, lazy ass! Don’t even start with your “But there’s still one left” crap. You know what you did is socially unacceptable. Just grab another roll, and swap it out. The new paper towels are kept conveniently in the same exact room, so they are literally within 8 feet of you, no matter where you’re standing. I even know which cabinet they’re in, but you don’t deserve that information. Hunt through all 8 cabinets until you find them. The 2 minutes you spend doing that is your punishment, and you will value the knowledge all the more for having earned it yourself. It’s even worse when they leave half a paper towel on the roll. I might turn into She-hulk next time I see that.

Cool vintage image I needed an excuse to use

When I see dirty dishes in the sink:
WE HAVE A DISHWASHER. JUST PUT THEM IN IT. You don’t even have to sully your precious hands with something as bourgeois as washing a dish. Literally set them in the dishwasher, and, like magic, clean dishes will appear. I know your excuse this time: “But I don’t know if it’s clean or dirty in there!” IT’S LABELED. There is a magnet on the front that says “Clean” on one side and “Dirty” on the other. Maybe you’d be able to read it if you pulled your head out of your own self-importance.

When the dish soap is closed:
I know you’re probably trying to make the kitchen look neat and tidy, but there is no reason to snap the lid shut on the Dawn. It’s not Pandora’s Box. When I need it, my hands are wet, and the whole bottle is slick with leaked soap, so it takes ten minutes of prying and swearing before I can hand wash my one plate. The soap will not escape. It won’t ooze out of the bottle and destroy all mankind. Just leave it open, and I won’t rip off the top of your skull to illustrate the proper soap-lid position.

When there’s no coffee:
You finished the pot, or almost worse, left a quarter inch at the bottom in a sad pretense of leaving some for the next person. That sad, cold bottom coffee is a symbol of your thoughtlessness. It is morning. You have received caffeine through no effort of your own. Pay it forward by making another pot so I can have the same glorious infusion. You wouldn’t like me when I’m un-caffeinated.

The bottom line is your time is not more valuable than mine. It is not my job to clean up after you or make your life easier in any way. If you wouldn’t do something when people are watching you shouldn’t do it at all. What’s that golden rule again? Treat others…something, something…oh wait it’s DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE.

February 21, 2013. Tags: rant, work, work sucks. Random typing. 2 comments.