I was almost attacked by ninjas
All of this is 100% true, and literally just happened:
So I was sitting in my living room, minding my own business, when my roommate looks up and says “There are ninjas in the back yard”. This of course confused me since I don’t live in feudal Japan. I realized the shock and confusion on her face were genuine, and turned around to look out the windows. Sure enough, a ten year old boy with a shirt wrapped around his head like a ninja hood ran by, in my back yard. Usually there are only squirrels back there, so I was pretty startled. I opened the back door, and Flapjack ran outside. He immediately cornered the ninjas behind the shed, and barked as though he were a full-sized terrifying dog, instead of a tiny corgi. The boys took him seriously, though.
They finally came out from behind the shed, and boy #1 IMMEDIATELY ratted on his buddy. He pulled down his mask, pointed, and said “It was his idea!!” Boy #2 came out from behind the shed, pulled down his hood, and said “No it wasn’t!” I explained to them that if they want to come over again, they need to ask first because we have a much bigger dog also, who just isn’t home right now, so it might not be safe (it probably would, but I am not telling ninjas my secrets). They said okay, and started to walk out of the yard, heads hanging. Flapjack decided to “escort” them out, by barking viciously. They then took off running, and he gleefully chased them across the yard, barking the entire time.
The entire incident was hilarious, and even though I don’t know those kids, I didn’t impugn their honor by laughing in their faces. I congratulated Flapjack thoroughly on protecting the house, and died a little from laughing so hard. I kind of wish they had been a little more dedicated to the roll. I mean, revealing your identity right off the bat?? That’s a rookie mistake! Go watch more Batman, kids. Running around in broad daylight, 5 feet from me while the windows are open is also not very sneaky. And because my yard is dead, the shed is the only thing to hide behind. Hopefully they’ll plan their next expedition a little more thoroughly. And in someone else’s yard.
Part 1: Someone check on the Space-time Continuum
I have been having a weird couple of weeks. It seems like random, slightly unpleasant events keep occurring. That, in and of itself, is not unusual for me, but things have been happening so frequently that I’m starting to wonder if I slipped through a hole in the space-time continuum. Maybe I’m in a parallel dimension that’s very similar to my own, but in which dishes jump off counters, fruit trees have no fruit, and I’m a pirate.
First of all, the other day I was just walking through my bedroom, just like normal. Somehow I smashed my left foot into my bed. I tend to trip on things, and bump into things a lot, but this was horrific. It is still hurting, 5 days later, and it was hugely swollen, with weird purple spots (See?!? Even bruises are weird in this dimension!). The ironic part is, a large portion of my left foot is numb at all times, due to a pinched nerve in my back. Did I smash the numb part? Of course not. So I’ve been hobbling around like a wicked crone in a fairy tale.
A week or so ago, I went to my dentist for a normal cleaning. Did it work out with a pat on the back and a free toothbrush? I’m not that lucky. First of all, I got a COUPON for a toothbrush. What? I depend on the dentist to supply all my travel sized dental equipment. A coupon for a normal sized toothbrush doesn’t help me. I already have dozens of them laying around at home. Second of all, my nice, young dentist, from my same hometown was gone. Instead, I have the love child of Stone Cold Steve Austin and Mr. Clean. He was polite, but intimidating. Turns out that one of my fillings from last year needs to be replaced (he wouldn’t say if it was done incorrectly before), and he wanted to give me a GOLD tooth. Granted, it would be way in the back, and I do love pirates, but still. My insurance company decided that if I was going to have the fun of being a pirate, I had to pay for a large chunk of it myself, so normal filling it is. That whole experience was not fun, but I’m sure everyone knows what it’s like, so I won’t force any of us to relive the horror that is the dentist’s chair.
Right now, in my kitchen, there is the inexplicable sound of water running. I have checked the sink, under the sink, the outside hoses, the water heater, the water heater downspout outside, and the sink upstairs. Hubby has checked it all too, and we cannot find anything. It’s like Chinese water torture, but instead of dripping on my head, it’s giving me visions of water building up inside the walls, slowly destroying my home, and everything I love.
As always, Hubby and I are constantly trying to lighten the workload around the house and be more ecofriendly, when possible. Our dishwasher is tempermental at best, and we were having to rewash things at least twice. We decided that if we each had one bowl and one plate, we would just use them, and hand wash them ourselves. This way, the dishes don’t stack up, and no one gets resentful having to wash up the gross dishes the other person leaves with food on them in the sink rather than just rinsing them. 3 guesses who does that. We went to the thrift store and picked out one each. The whole system was working great. There were a very small number of dishes each day that we easily hand washed. Then, somehow, my bowl jumped out of my hand and committed suicide. It exploded across the kitchen, scaring the crap out of me and Flapjack. I cleaned it up, and everything returned to normal, but now more dishes are appearing. I decided I would just use one of the bowl we had, but they must be multiplying on the counter. It’s bizarre.
More of the Strange World of Clever Chick in Part 2: Seriously, call Stephen Hawking
