Star Wars: The Drinking Game
Apparently my Star Trek drinking game post riled up a few of my Trekkie friends. I’m still friends with them in spite of their Trekkiness, yet that’s not enough for them. One had to write a rebuttal post. It’s not as clever as mine, but who could even come close to that level? I normally don’t post on even-numbered days, but since the guest blogger is Black from Two Tokens, and Friday is their traditional posting day, I’ll allow it. Sit back and enjoy some good natured Star Wars mockery:
For those that do not know, ThatCleverChick is a bit of Star Wars fan. And by a ‘bit’, I mean huge, and by ‘fan’ I mean raving lunatic. She’s called me out on my own geek blog for my many indiscretions regarding Star Wars canon. Everything from name spelling to the anatomical accuracy of a Yuuzhan Vong warrior has been scrutinized under her ever-watchful gaze. She’s chided more than once for my love of Trek. She even refuses to call the show by name, but rather refers to it as “that show with 10 white dudes sitting around negotiating peace treaties.”
I think Star Trek is a far better moniker, but to each their own.
Understand folks, I’m not a Trekkie/Trekker or a Star Wars fanboy; I consider myself an enthusiast of all of the above. However, there comes a time when the scales of nerdom are tipped; and they must be righted so that balance may prevail. That being said, I feel it’s only right to level the playing field. So, grab a Romulian Ale and get comfy. Let’s run down a list of what a Star Wars drinking game would look like – shall we?
1. Anytime brother and sister kiss, drink a beer.
2. Every time Obi-Wan Kenobi loses a fight, drink a beer.
3. Every time someone says “I have a bad feeling about this”, drink two beers.
4. Anytime Anakin seems like he’s going to the ‘dark side’ when in actuality it’s just him being emo and bitching, drink a beer.
5. Anytime someone falls down a shaft, drink a beer.
6. Do three shots every time Jar-Jar says me’sa or something stupid. Check that…only do half a shot, I don’t want any hospital bills.
7. Anytime someone is captured, and instead of killing them, Darth Vadar allows them to escape – finish whatever drink you have.
There’s plenty more, but I’ll leave you with that for now 
Blackout.
Clever Chick’s commentary: I only had you people doing shots, because there are so many things that give you the urge to drink in Star Trek, I wanted all of you to restrain yourselves. You’ll notice that Black, however, is trying to get you super drunk, quickly so you don’t realize how far it is between drinks. He also focuses on mocking the prequels, whereas I took the high road, and left the original Star Trek alone, since I know you are all justifiably embarrassed about it. I wouldn’t want to rub salt in your wounds. Someday soon, Black and I will get together and bury the hatchet, probably by creating a Battlestar Galactica drinking game.
In Defense of Nerds
This week I was lucky enough to write a guest post on the Two Tokens web comic. Please head on over there and enjoy my scathing commentary! I’m hilarious and bitchy, all in one!
Star Wars Fan Days
This last weekend, Hubby and I trekked our way all the way North, into Yankee territory. That’s right, we went to Dallas/Fort Worth. They have an awesome sci-fi convention up there every year called Star Wars Fan Days. We were both in costume, reveling in the awesome nerddom of it all. Here’s Hubby, dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi, fighting a young Jedi, while Princess Leia watches in the background.
This was an almost completely handmade Ahsoka costume, that I thought was pretty cool.
This girl is dressed as a Dalek from Dr.Who!
These three chicks were roaming the convention together. On the left we have Mara Jade, who later marries Luke Skywalker, not sure about the Sith in the middle, and then an awesome Princess Leia on the right.
Hubby posing with an amazing Lando Calrissian. He won the costume contest this weekend, and deservedly so.
Here we have Hubby, and our dear friend Black of Two Tokens, who was dressed as Mace Windu, hanging out with Kit Fisto.
I was dressed as the Baroness from G.I. Joe, but of course, didn’t manage to get one picture. Tons of people took pictures of me, so I’m hoping to stumble across one I can post later. It was a ton of fun, but I still hate driving in Dallas. I swear, every construction barrel in a three state radius is in that city. Have you guys ever completed a single road? You might want to invest in some engineers.
Rules of a Bad Movie
I was privelidged enough last weekend to spend time with my dear friend Black, of Two Tokens, and his family. I have a lot in common with all of them, including their awesome 8 year old, Lil’ K (you can pick a new nickname if you don’t like that one).
While I was there, we spread out on the couch to watch movies. Through the magic of netflix, we picked some random movies, one of which was awesome, the other of which was terrible. This got us discussing how you can tell if a movie is bad from the outset. The rules (so far) are these:
1) If the movie has super long credits, it’s probably bad. According to Mrs.Black (again, you can choose a different nickname), if it’s a good movie, they want to get you right into it, rather than have you sit around watching credits.
2) If there’s gratuitous nudity early in the movie, it’s probably terrible. My reasoning is that the creators are hoping viewers will say, “Ooh, boobs!! Let’s stick it out to see if there are more boobs later!”
Both movies we watched this weekend followed these simple rules.
First up: Dance of the Dead. Zombies at prom??? Yes, please!! Awesome premise, and fortunately, awesome movie! It did break a couple rules of zombie movies, but the mistakes were forgivable. So, how it followed the rules:
1) Super short credits. I don’t even know if the actors names were listed.
2) The only nudity in the movie is about halfway through, and it’s just a male zombie’s bum. That means this movie has substance, rather than gimmicks.
The plot is great. The town is near a nuclear power plant, which doesn’t bode well for anyone. Of course, since it’s a zombie movie, the dead start to rise, but it happens to be on the night of the school prom. This whole movie is filled with humor, great acting, characters, and plot reveals. I loved it. On the Clever Chick scale it gets a “I’ll recommend it to tons of my friends, and watch it repeatedly”. It’s not on the level of Shaun of the Dead or Zombieland, but it is damn close.
Next victim: The Funhouse. This movie came out in 1981, and just from the tagline “Pay to get in; Pray to get out!” I was severely tempted to watch it. Let’s get right to how it violated the rules of good movies, and just human decency.
1) I swear, 10% of this movie is credits. When you start seeing “Best Boy – Kyle Furthham” and “Dolly Grip – Toby Westhover”, you know it’s going to be bad.
2) Boobs in the first 2-4 minutes. And it was creepy. The actress is about to get into the shower, so you think to yourself, “I bet they’re going to show her nude”, but she looks like a twelve year old. I’m not kidding. We all thought the same thing. I think it’s because she had her hair down, and a big, fluffy, pink robe on, and a fairly youthful face, but it was disturbing.
Any time movies start using nudity as a crutch, you know it’s going to be missing in the plot arena, and this movie was no exception. At one point, we realized there were only 24 minutes left in the movie, and anything interesting had yet to happen.
There were several plot points that were never resolved, or referred back to. For example, they make a point of having the main actress stop and stare at several carnival barkers, who are all played by the same actor, but then nothing happens with that. They basically took a bunch of random occurrences set in a carnival and called it a movie. On the Clever Chick Scale this gets a “It’s so bad, you can’t even laugh at it. Save yourself 2 hours and avoid, avoid, avoid”.
I love movies, and I love cheesy, hokey, attempting-to-be-scary movies, but this one is inexcusable in its awfulness.
Blogs I Love: Two Tokens
Two Tokens is techincally a web comic, with a blog on it, but this is my blog, so I make the rules. Plus, I didn’t want to make another category on the tags. Two Tokens is run by two hilarious guys, who the main characters Black and Tan are based on. It is a haven of nerdliness, and oh wait, there seems to be a cameo here from…That Clever Chick!! My alias on their site is Oracle, but you’ll notice the gravatar image is the same.
Yep, a REAL ARTIST made a portrait of me! He did leave off my habitual snarky expression, but I think that was just to be nice.
The comic is hilarious, and geekerific, and all the blogs posts are funny as hell, not just mine. These guys even have tables at conventions periodically, so you little nerdlings could possible meet them in real life! Oh, the joy! Check them out at www.twotokens.com, and on the upper left under the “Archives” button you can read all the past blog posts. Have fun!
Night of the Bat
A couple weeks ago we had another bat festival here in Austin. Apparently the mayor has had some kind of on-going feud with the Batfest people. His nuclear option? Adam West. That’s right. He called out Batman to inaugurate his own bat themed festival: Night of the Bat.
Adam West is on the far left! Adam WEST!
He named the Mexican Freetail Bat the official animal of Austin, and there was a free festival on the Congress bridge. “Festival” may be too strong a word, as there wasn’t much to do. There was more stuff aimed towards children and wildlife conservation awareness. They did, however, have the Mystery Machine (whose driver looked just like Shaggy), and the REAL Batmobile from Adam West’s Batman.
Oh yes. That gorgeous piece of machinery was that close to me. I got a ton of other pics of it, but I don’t want to overload blog.com. They don’t seem to have a lot of capacity to spare. (Update: this was berfore I transferred the whole blog to wordpress. That was a genuine concern with blog.com, and half the reason I had to swap). Hubby, sis-in-law, and I were all wearing Batman t-shirts, and got our picture taken several times, at least once by the Statesman, our local paper, although we never found ourselves in said paper.
Look kids! It’s Uncle Creepy! I guess we didn’t look as cool as this guy, or the guy in a complete, black rubber Batsuit. He must have been sweating GALLONS. It was super hot, so we went into the Friday’s by the bridge to use the bathroom and grab a soda. Turns out they were having a Batini contest to name the official drink of the city for the next year. Yes, Austin has an official martini. No, you can’t move here. We’re full.
As it turns out this was a private event we “accidentally” snuck into, and imbibed several free martinis. That is the most bad ass thing I have ever done. I’m usually way too much of a wuss for stuff like this, but I was totally the ring leader on this one.
On another Bat-related note, I have just done a guest post for my friends webcomic, the Two Tokens. The topic? You get a gold star if you guessed Batman! Definitely check it out, as it is super hilarious, or course. Their comic is awesome as well, and is about to reach its 1 year anniversary. There will hopefully be more guest posts to come. Enjoy, and comment prolifically (but only nice things, or you’ll face my wrath).
Update: My guest post, the Batrant, turned into a four parter. I’m the Oracle on their blog, which is a Batman reference. If you can name that reference in the comments, you get a prize, but it’s probably just another gold star.
