If you haven’t noticed, I am completely fixated on Pinterest. They have so many crafting and DIY ideas, my hands will never be idle again. Unfortunately, not all the ideas work out for me. I saw this idea of how to fix some worn-looking heels:
I went so far as to actually read the instructions and everything. The original author used Mod Podge and fine glitter. I tried a couple other things before following her method. A few of you know this, but I have a fear/hate relationship with loose glitter. I believe as you use it, you accidentally inhale it. It then settles into your lungs, causing scarring and ultimately death. I call this condition “Sparkle Lung” or “Crafter’s Lung”.
Because of my paranoia, and my love of lung function, I tried glitter already in paint form. This does nothing, so don’t bother. I also tried the glue you see here:
That crap is WAAAAAYYY too thick, and it has all these warnings about not using it on varnished furniture, so that was disturbing. I only attempted to use this on one of the heels, but it was a disaster. So here we are, back to the Mod Podge. You are supposed to make a really thick paste with the Mod Podge and glitter, then paint it onto the heels, like so:
Even after 2 coats, and letting it dry thoroughly in between, my results looks nothing like hers. My shoes now have glittery tumors all down the back. One of them is worse because I experimented with that terrible glue first, but the other one isn’t much better.
I don’t know if the color of glitter I used is the problem, if there wasn’t enough glitter in my paste, or if there was too much. Either way, shoes that were looking shabby are…still looking shabby. I don’t really know what to do with them at this point. Poor shoes. I should have used my old stand-by: Nail Polish!!
Many of you already know this, but my Hubby is artistic out the wazzoo. His cell phone stopped working, so he went and bought a little $10 Go Phone, and just put his sim card in it. It was just a boring phone, so he decided to paint it. This is what happened:
The picture’s a bit blurry because he used the webcam, but amazing, right? Well, my phone is boring, too. It’s lime green, but it could always use more personality, right? I removed the back from the phone, and set to work with masking tape to make my design.
What did I choose? A skull!! Of course! And I think it was looking pretty bad ass, yet adorable at this point. Even after I spray painted the whole thing, it was looking fine.
The tape did not peel off how I envisioned. Big chunks of the bones vanished, and everything else is flakey and horrible.
I probably should have done the design, then sprayed primer on it, then the black spray paint, but I still have no idea if that would have helped. Maybe I should have sanded the whole thing first? Either way, I have a big sad face on, and I’m conscientiously hiding my phone at all times (except from all of you, of course). Learn from my fail.
– That Clever Chick
We had an “incident” at the house the other day. As with many other such occurences, I can look back and see that there were ample warning signs; warning signs that anyone who had not ironically dubbed themselves “clever” would be sure to notice. Me however? Hell no! You may have to start calling me The Hubris-filled Chick. It was bad. Here’s the epic story:
I have recently acquired a tiny ceramics kiln, much to my delight. I’ve been wanting one for years, and I was excited to finally start firing. The one problem is the kiln has to have 6 feet clear all the way around it when firing, but the cord is nowhere near that long. We used the extension cord pictured above to make it reach. The test firing went off without a hitch. I loaded all the stuff I’d made into the kiln, and got it ready for my first real firing!
Looking back, the warning signs were obvious. This extension cord is supposed to be 3 pronged, but the third one, the ground, was missing. We’d used this same cord before to run the lawn mower, and it worked fine, so I kind of ignored that. Apparently, that is pretty important. You can also see electrical tape on the left hand side of the photo up there. That’s where the cats chewed it, and we electrical taped it back together. The third problem was that the orange plastic around the base of the plug had worn away, so that you could see about an 1/8th an inch of the interior wires. In my mind these were all separate incidences, but they should have added up to a major warning. Alas, I just went ahead.
Hubby started the process for me while I was at work and he was off for the day. He followed the correct procedures, and checked on it, then went and ran an errand at my request. When he came home, the whole house smelled of burning plastic. He found the cord, melted and turning to charcoal. He quickly unplugged it so the kiln would shut off. That was probably not the safest choice, but that’s what he did. He had to open all the windows and the garage to air the house out, and we left them open overnight.
The plastic is fused to the chair. I know we had a super close call, and I’m sure in an alternate universe, our house caught fire. I am so thankful that my husband and all our pets are fine, if slightly retarded from the plastic fumes. We now own a heavy duty extension cord that is used only for the kiln. Anytime we fire, one of us checks on it every hour or two. The stuff that was inside the kiln during the melt down was not affected, and the kiln seems to be working great also. So there’s the whole gory story. I’m glad my misfortune amuses you all so much!
I found this article on Re-Nest about growing your own lentil sprouts. I have often wanted to grow my own mung bean sprouts, but everything I’ve read says you have to be super careful because they can carry Salmonella. I’m not sure if this is a really valid concern, or just hype, but I’m still hesitant to kill myself and Hubby. Who would take care of the animals, and the one cactus that has survived my attentions? You can see my quandary.
Anyway, lentil sprouts seem like something I can handle. I am constantly buying lentils, because I freaking love them, but Hubby has a very low lentil-tolerance-threshold.
Day 1: Lentils are placed in old pasta sauce jar, covered in water, and panty hose + hair band covers the top.
Day 2: Have read further about growing own sprouts, and I’m a bit paranoid about just making a horrible moldy mess instead. I pour out the water and replace it with fresh.
Day 3: Beans have split somewhat, and are all plump. I keep seeing bubbles, which make me worry I’m just making lentil beer. I pour out the water, rinse the beans twice, and refill the water.
Day 4: Ignored.
Day 5: Hmm…there are some bubbles in there, the beans are split, but nothing seems to be happening.
Day 6: What is that funky smell? Oh God, it’s the lentils. Yep, into the compost, as quickly as possible.
So I wasted a handful of lentils and a jar that stunk so bad it had to be trashed. I don’t want this site to turn into the Regretsy of Re-nest (mostly because I can’t think of a clever name for it), but damn, guys. Why do I keep reading this site? So far they have encouraged me to buy expensive crap I don’t need, ruin antiques, and waste food. Their rating in my book just went from “mostly harmless” to “mildly irritating”, and leaning toward “impending vendetta”. That’s pretty bad.
For some reason, I had a really bad night last night. No bad events occurred, I was just not performing to my usual standard, and bizarre events ensued.
First of all, my dishwasher has been pissing me off. Things are not coming out clean, even though it has plenty of that blue special liquid stuff in there. Also, the top water jet sprayer thing broke off, and I can’t afford to get it fixed. Our old dishwasher didn’t even have one on the ceiling, so I’m not too worried about it, and that happened about 2 months ago.
I decided the dirty dishes were due to the machine itself being dirty. I sprayed down the inside with vinegar, then, since we were out of dish washing detergent, I decided to use anti-bacterial soap. I swear I have done this in the past and it worked, but this time I completely filled both cups on the dispenser. I turned it on and went on my merry way.
Awhile later, Hubby went into the kitchen, and this is the next thing I heard:
Hubby: “OH NO!! OH NO!!” (sounding genuinely alarmed)
Me: “What? What is it?” (mildly alarmed)
Hubby: “What did you do?!”
Me, now fairly alarmed: “What did I do?” (picturing I left the burner on, and set something on fire, or melted plastic all over my stove top, I run into the kitchen)
Hubby: (points to soap bubbles spewing from dishwasher, covering about 1/4 of the kitchen floor, laughing heartily)
Me: “Oh, I thought I set something on fire”
Hubby: “No, you set it on WATER!”
He thought this was endlessly hilarious, and is super-proud of his pun.
The second thing that happened last night was also pretty thoughtless of me, but Hubby should have been on top of the situation as well. I made a big pot of turkey soup last night for dinner, and Hubby wanted some chips to go with it. We didn’t have any chips, so I tore up some tortillas, put them on a baking sheet and put them in the oven. I have done this many times before, including to make crunchy tortilla strips to put on top of soup.
For some reason, both I and Hubby (Mr. I NEED A SNACK) forgot they were in the oven for about 20 minutes. I finally smelled them, and raced into the kitchen screeching, “HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT THE TORTILLAS??” They were golden brown, and probably waaayy too crunchy, but of course, Hubby ate them anyway.
The third thing wasn’t a big deal, but it just put the cherry on top of my retardation sundae. I was moving clothes from the washer to the dryer, and forgot the downy ball was in there. This happens a lot, but usually I catch it when I turn on the dryer and a horrific thumping ensues. This time I heard and acknowledged the thumping, even thinking to myself, “Huh, I wonder what that thumping is? Oh well”, before wandering back to the living room. Ten minutes later the thumping hadn’t stopped on its own, and it finally dawned on me that something must be wrong. I opened the dryer and dug around, then finally, FINALLY thought “Oh, it must be the downy ball!”
My thought processes were running about 10x slower than usual, for no apparent reason. It was at this point I threw up my hands and said no more chores for the evening. I proceeded to sit on the couch, watch Parks and Recreation on Netflix, and eat cake. Thank God I didn’t try anything challenging, like cleaning the oven. Who knows what kind of mayhem could have ensued?
I’m kind of picky about T-shirts. I hate it when the collar is just tight enough that it feels like a really weak, tiny python is trying to kill you all day long. We have a work event coming up where such shirts were dolled out. I instantly hated it. I mean, not only does it have the logo of my
oppressor employer emblazoned across the front, it was super uncomfortable and ill-fitting. What more can a girl ask for? Unflattering AND uncomfortable? Sign me up!
This is the shirt collar, pre-intervention.
I cut it! That’s right! I just hauled off and cut a slit in that bad boy.
I tried it on after I cut it, and folded the edges under, to see if it would meet my neck-space requirements.
I made sure to roll the edges under and pin them down. You want to create as natural of a neckline as possible, because however you sew it underneath will show through the fabric. I, of course, used the whip stitch for this one. I don’t have thread in this blinding color of blue, so I was using something darker. I tried to lift only one thread at a time to sew through the front so as little thread as possible would show.
The end! You can barely see the stitching on the edges, and it makes a nice V, instead of the blocky shape of the fabric flaps. It looks decent, and it’s more comfortable. If I was going to do this with a shirt I cared about, I might even wrap the collar with ribbon to make it look more finished.
AFTER all this work I thought to myself, “I wonder if we have to give these back after the event?” I believe the answer is no, but that is something I should have thought about before getting all scissor-happy.
Now that you have undoubtedly made lots of necklaces, because you obviously do whatever I say, and you read this, this and this post, you now need somewhere to put them. I happen to have lots of junk laying around my house, constantly, so I reused a bit of it to solve my too-much-necklace-having problem.
I used a picture frame that we had accidentally broken the glass out of, some fleece fabric, a glue gun, and black fabric.
This particular frame has wood backing, which worked out really well for this project. The sturdiness was really helpful. I measured about five layers of this fleece fabric to be the padding. You could use some quilt batting also, but I wouldn’t recommend polyfill, or any regular stuffing. You need something that will stay completely flat. 4 of the layers were cut exactly to the edges of the wood. The last layer is shown here. The first 4 layers are between the wood and the larger layer. The larger piece will wrap around to the back of the wood, holding in all the edges of the smaller pieces. If you had all those layers wrapped around the side it would be too fat to fit back in the frame.
Once I had all the fleece fabric cut and measured, I squirted some tacky glue onto the wood to hold the fabric on. I also went a little crazy putting some glue between the layers. That was a bit of an issue later, and I’m still on the fence about whether or not to use it. If you do put glue between the layers, use it sparingly, and don’t make any globbies. Oh, that’s not a word spell checker? What about blobbies? No?! Well then what the hell should I call them?
I cut the black fabric about a half inch bigger than the fleece fabric. I folded the raw edges under, and secured everything with loads of hot glue. If the fabric were not going back into the frame, I would have used something else that would secure this better. Since the frame will be holding everything in place, I’m not that worried about it.
I folded it over all nice and pretty, even knowing that this would never show, because I’m neurotic like that. Once everything is dry, and I cannot emphasize that enough, once it is COMPLETELY DRY, pop that bad boy back in its frame. I lined my new necklaces up all pretty-like, and used needles stabbed into all that padding to hold them up. This makes it really easy to hang them up and rearrange them, provided you waited until the glue dried!
My not-so-clever confessions: I used big glue blobbies, and didn’t wait for them to fully dry. As a result, some of the needles were really hard to get out, and even put back in, because glue had either dried onto them, or in bog globs under the surface. The whole thing looks fantastic though, and I barely had to move the needles at all to avoid glue glops. Learn from my fail.