I have a confession…
I feel it’s time to come clean. I am going to become a MAN!! I know what you’re thinking: “But you are so beautiful and womanly! You are a goddess! All other women are trolls compared to you!” And that’s all true. I would never do something so cruel as to remove myself from womanhood entirely. That would be a cruelty to all of humanity. So, here’s my method for temporary manhood:
Liquid eyeliner and/or mascara (this is perfect to use up something that’s drying, or almost out), and possibly some mustache stickers (they were about $3 for a 6 pack at Hobby Lobby in the scrapbook section). We had these laying around after the Western Party.
Put back your hair and wash and dry your face thoroughly so everything will adhere.
Place stickers strategically. You can see I split a mustache in half for sideburns. You can do the same for eyebrows if you want, but I didn’t want to peel my real eyebrows off at the end of the night.
Now simply fill in with the eyeliner or mascara. I found eyeliner easier to use, and I used liquid water-proof so it was more durable.
And fill in your eyebrows to a more masculine shape. I went with the “Martin Scorsese”.
See? (I’m disturbed by this).
I even make an astoundingly attractive dude. You guys are so lucky to get to see pictures of me all the time.
This whole thing came about because my friend Sara of the Long Red Hair, had a “The Thing” themed birthday party. Was I going to show up in a normal costume? You must be new here. Sara has made many amazing cakes over the years, and here’s this year’s:
I’m so repelled, yet drawn to it at the same time. The “snow” was a bed of coconut. Here we have a group shot of our Antartic outifts:
Just completely smoking hot, no matter what, right? I know. I’m sorry, I’ll try to quit hogging all the sexy, but I can’t promise anything.
Western Party
Hubby and I have a roommate who moved to Austin from Michigan. She is so enamoured of Texas and the West in general, that she decided she wanted a Western themed birthday party. I do love a theme party, so we went all out, of course.
We don’t really have a lot of “western” type stuff to decorate with around the house (shocking!), so we decided to make some cheap, but adorable decorations. Hubby drew things onto crafting foam, which we then cut out, and stuck to the walls with masking tape. It worked great, and there are no holes in the walls or damage to the paint. Here’s a little armadillo he drew, and there were some rattle snakes and lizards roaming around.
Another cheap and amazing decoration idea was these cardboard saloon doors leading into the kitchen. They are so cute I can’t even stand it.
We wanted to get a lot of decorating done cheaply and quickly, so we cut rock formations, inspired by Monument Valley in Arizona, out of that giant paper from a teacher supply store. It was (I think) 89 cents per yard. We also drew the rock formations on the paper interlocking, like puzzle pieces or Pangaea, so that we got a ton of them out of each yard. These were also attached to the walls using loops of masking tape. The tiny cacti are also cut from the foam used for the animals.
This is a real horse skull we’ve had for years, and it is surprisingly handy! It’s on the window sill outside the kitchen as though it’s looking in.
Cowprint balloons: a necessity.
And we found these mustache stickers at Hobby Lobby in the scrapbook sticker section. I think it was $3 for 6 stickers. Obviously, I got the picture after Hubby started having fun.
Back off ladies, that’s MY Hubby with the evil mustache!
People came in a variety of costumes, from an Old West bartender serving tiny bottles of whiskey, to a bandido, to a grimey old prospecter, to more traditional western wear. Since I was running around setting things up (and drinking), I opted for a straw cowboy hat, Wrangler shirt, and cowboy boots.
For food we had Texas beers, hot dogs roasted over the fire outside (as well as vegetable kabobs since we’re progressive, healthy westerners), corn bread, and “tumble weeds”. The “tumble weeds” were chocolate covered chow mein noodles made into little clumps. We also had hummus with veggies and fruit with angel food cake.
Some other ideas we had: give bandanas away as party favors, put a large jar lid in your back pocket to mimic a can of dipping tobacco, have a contest to shoot tin cans off of something with nerf guns, make “cowpies” which would be brownie or Nutella cookies, baked beans, s’mores, and try to lasso the dog.
It was a ton of fun, and everyone had a blast. Plus hot dogs cooked over fire? *Jazz Hands* Amazing! The costumes were epic, and I’m hoping to bum them off someone’s facebook page, since I was stupid and took no pictures. We played music by Patsy Cline, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, and Willie Nelson. I never would have thought of this theme on my own, and it turned out great!
Star Wars Fan Days
This last weekend, Hubby and I trekked our way all the way North, into Yankee territory. That’s right, we went to Dallas/Fort Worth. They have an awesome sci-fi convention up there every year called Star Wars Fan Days. We were both in costume, reveling in the awesome nerddom of it all. Here’s Hubby, dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi, fighting a young Jedi, while Princess Leia watches in the background.
This was an almost completely handmade Ahsoka costume, that I thought was pretty cool.
This girl is dressed as a Dalek from Dr.Who!
These three chicks were roaming the convention together. On the left we have Mara Jade, who later marries Luke Skywalker, not sure about the Sith in the middle, and then an awesome Princess Leia on the right.
Hubby posing with an amazing Lando Calrissian. He won the costume contest this weekend, and deservedly so.
Here we have Hubby, and our dear friend Black of Two Tokens, who was dressed as Mace Windu, hanging out with Kit Fisto.
I was dressed as the Baroness from G.I. Joe, but of course, didn’t manage to get one picture. Tons of people took pictures of me, so I’m hoping to stumble across one I can post later. It was a ton of fun, but I still hate driving in Dallas. I swear, every construction barrel in a three state radius is in that city. Have you guys ever completed a single road? You might want to invest in some engineers.
How to Make a Post-apocalyptic Costume
As you may have noticed, our friends enjoy costume parties, and costuming in general. For Sara’s, we celebrated in the theme of Fallout, which, if you aren’t aware, is set in the post-apocalyptic United States. I flipped through some costumes on different wikis online, and chose to be a Wasteland Surgeon. If you click on that link, you can see that I needed a blood spattered wife-beater shirt.
So you will need: wife beater, paint, newspaper, paint brush, and dirt. One thing I should have done first is tea-dye the shirt to make the whole thing beige. Get a pot of water and a couple bags of tea. Boil the tea in the pot, and soak the shirt in tap water. Squeeze out the excess water. Damp fabric wicks the tea into the fibers better than dry. Put the shirt into the tea, and stir it around for a bit. You can lift it out with a spoon periodically to see how you like the color. This method will never get your fabric that dark, it just kind of adds a beige tone, which is perfect for post-apocalyptic costuming.
We started out by watering down the paint a LOT. The yellow and brown are for pit stains, so you want it to be pretty diluted.
I started by dipping a stubby paint brush in the red, and flicking it with my finger to make tiny sprays of blood everywhere. Then I dipped it and flung it at the shirt from different angles to make slightly larger sprays. Then I straight poured some on, and balled up pieces of shirt to dip in the paint. You can see I stuffed the newspaper in between to keep it from bleeding through. The smears at the bottom are from me wiping my blood-soaked hands on the shirt, which is what would actually happen if I was a wasteland surgeon.
Hubby and I were working on this in the back yard while the neighbors were doing yardwork. I’m sure they think we’re demented now. They heard things like “You need more blood on the back”, “What if there’s some darker brown, dried chunks on it?”, “Is this a good blood color, or this?”, “I want some blood under my finger nails”.
Here we go with pit stains. I balled up the underarm on each side, and dipped it into the pale yellow paint water. I squeezed out the extra so it would dry faster. We used the same method to make sweat stains on the front and back collar, and on the lower back. While these were still wet, I rubbed them in the dirt in the yard.
Finished outfit:
I had on a pair of Hubby’s cargo pants tucked into boots. I used brown eyeshadow, and black eyeliner to make dirt smears on both of us, and I added fake bandages in a couple places. I made those belt canisters also, but that will be another post. FYI, glasses are totally appropriate for this costume. They even give you a perk in the game, which increases you intelligence. Just like in real life!
Sherwood Forest Faire
I had the opportunity last weekend to get dressed up as a gypsy and walk around in public like that. Jealous? Don’t be! Sherwood Forest Faire is still going on! It ends April 3rd though, so get on it if you want to go. If you haven’t heard of it, this is a smaller, newer version of the Texas Renaissance Festival, that is much closer to Austin. The whole thing is themed around Robin Hood, and it has many of the same shows as other Renaissance festivals around the state.
There were lots of shops, and food vendors, and the place wasn’t that crowded. If you haven’t been to one of these before, I highly recommend it. Tons of people wear normal clothes, and tons dress up in “historical” clothing. Believe me, there are no history police walking around pointing out errors in anyone’s costume, so feel free to wear what you’d like. The shows are funny, you can walk around with beer and funnel cake, and this festival is in the midst of tons of trees, so it was nice and shady. The place is also very kid friendly, with a couple rides, face painting, and photo ops.
Our friend Todd competed in the archery contest:
A couple of our men-folk tried their hand at throwing knives (only my Hubby made anything stick 
)
I got some great shots of the Oskar Hasselhoff fighting school, and the Ded Bob Show was there also. I had never seen it before, and it was hilarious! A little tip from my friend Todd: If you’re in costume you are less likely to be called up on stage during these types of things. For me, that was comforting, because I really like to watch other people get teased on stage, rather than me.
Hubby and I were both dressed as gypsies, until he found an AWESOME pirate hat. Apparently gypsy + hat = pirate.
Obviously, I didn’t take pictures of everything available to do there. We circled around the whole place a few times, and spent a lot of time at the pub. There was a lot of conversation along these lines:
“Oh look! A pub! We should probably stop and have a drink!”
(not long later) “Oh look! The pub! Well, we want to stay hydrated!”
(a short time after that) “Hey! The pub! Well, the beer wenches have already seen us. I wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings by walking away now”.
(an even shorter time later) “Oh my! Is that a different pub?” “I don’t think…” “We should go in and check, just to be sure.”
After everything was over, and we were dusty, sunburned, and exhausted, we needed some sustenance. I sent Hubby into our favorite pizza joint, thinking hilarity would ensue. Nobody batted an eye!
We had a blast, and I would recommend it to anyone.
My Birthday
As I am writing this, it is my birthday. I’m publishing it a few days from now, so none of you bastards can STEAL MY IDENTITY!!!! Haha, jk, it’s because there are already posts lined up, and I’m too lazy to reorder everything. The reason I’m typing right now instead of out eating fancy food, and getting foot rubs from Hubby, is that he is fantastically sick. For those of you who follow me on twitter, you know that my main goal is to avoid catching whatever it is he has, and secondarily to not be responsible for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Somehow, I know that the zombie apocalypse will be eventually caused by something stupid I do, and I’d like to prevent it as long as possible. You’re welcome, America.
Anyway, in spite of being indoors (and downstairs, to avoid contagion), I have had a pretty awesome birthday. I had a Halloween party for my birthday party this year, so I basically just celebrated early. I got to do several of my favorite things: 1)Hang out with my friends 2)Dress in a costume 3)Drink heavily 4)Eat a cake made by Brandy, the stewrat. (pics to follow).
Yesterday, my gift from Hubby came in the mail. It is FIVE books of a series I have been wanting! Now he’s sick so once I’m done writing things for you people to read, I can go read. The girls at work also took me out to lunch to get some Pho (you KNOW I love me some pho), AND made me chocolate cupcakes with raspberry frosting!!! PLUS I had about 80 million “Happy Birthday” notes on my facebook! All in all, a great birthday since it is on a week day.
I’ve been told that this year will be the last good one, in life? in eternity? I don’t know they weren’t clear, but I can see that. Soon people will be all “ohh, you’re almost thirty! WHERE ARE YOUR BABIES? YOU MUST HAVE BABIES NOW!!” I’m not looking forward to that.
Now, here are the pictures that will show you why I had such a fantastic birthday on Halloween weekend, and why I was too busy to post a bunch of Halloween crafts:
Yes, that is me on the right, dressed as the Baroness from G.I. Joe (the cartoon, not that vomit of a movie that just came out), and Hubby is dressed as Adam Ant, the singer.
Here we have Goose from Top Gun, and Risky Business (aka Brandy who makes the world’s best cakes).
Burt Reynolds and Dolly Parton from The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.
Yes, little Flapjack had a costume! Captain Flappy von Flapjack!
The most awesome Rainbow Bright ever! Her wand even lit up!
And here are all my naughty nerds! You can see Brandy went all out as Risky Business, then we have a Punk, the Baroness, Rainbow Bright, someone who just came from her grandparent’s house, Dolly Parton, and a Cholita!
This is my fantastic cake that Brandy made! It’s a 1up mushroom from Mario Brothers!
And then Mario and his controller showed up!
Mario and Bowser have some, uh, tension they need to work out.
They make such a cute couple!
Beetlejuice, with pet sand worm, and Grumpy the Carebear seemed to be having a great time together.
Beans is a zombie prom queen. She even made her own banner, which says “Prom Queen 1984″. The writing looks spectacular, and I totally stole it for another year. If you haven’t guessed by now, the theme was 1980′s.
Sarah did a fantastic job making her blue fairy costume. There is still glitter in my kitchen though.
Here we have a golfer (who took some heat for her “costume”), and Punky Brewster. Punky even had buttons all from the 80′s on her jacket!
Marty McFly here even made her own hoverboard! I wish I’d gotten a better picture of it, but it looked dead on! These two, Samantha and Jon, just got married, and I was honored to attend. Congratulations you two!
We did a lot of decorating as well, but this post is REALLY long, even by my wordy standards, so that will probably show up in another post. I hope all of you enjoy Halloween, and are as inspired by my creative friends as I am.
